paramountrendezvous

2009-12-27T01:25:00.003+08:00

Because I feel so lost now, because I miss everyone and because I see the evil in fashion.

So many people left, so many strangers, who are my real friends, that smile and set daggers in my back. People left being wronged, just so others could save their position in this industry. You see the evil but you can't do anything. You seek solitude in the Higher Power above, but those who serve condemn you because of your profession. When they say they'll pray 40years for your return, it's bullshit. But I don't want to degrade myself to their level and judge people with their human mind. If you'd not sin, then cast the first stone. Do not look on the outside but the inside, that's what they say, and yet, they judge you on your appearance. I do not love God any less than you just because my mind is filled with my look. But I'll move forward in this path I chose because I believe that God truly understands.

I just want to grow old fast and scather my footprints around the World and when I finally meet God, I'll tell him he created a beautiful world and that I'm glad he made me.

2009-09-20T22:58:00.001+08:00

Omg, I wanted to kill myself after watching a clip on Jae.

How can anyone treat him like that! I wanted to cry when he said: " I came here to make ends meet..."

Don't get Jae and my Jay mixed up. Hahaha, Jay, please leave NY and move to Seattle to find Jae for me will you? AHahahaha, God, miss you and Ray so much. LOVELOVELOVE!

2009-09-20T02:05:00.002+08:00

ARGH! Omg, I had it with the press. What's up with them and Raffles Design? It's like the editor in chief hates us.

I don't really think that I'm being sensitive but you guys can go dig up your urban news and take a look ( Sorry, can't remember when it was, around August? But at that time, I thought I was just being sensitive). The paper was introducing the various art schools in Singapore and they make the other schools sound like it's a pool filled with genius designers and Raffles? It's just a place where all the rich don't know where they want to spend their money and decided that the $70k school fees was the best choice.

Today, just finished with the Elle magazine and the Elle Award nominees were there. I'm glad to say that from designer of the year award, 2 were our alumni. One of our grads were also nominated for the best grad award, the other 2 were from NAFA and LaSalle respectively. I'm not saying that they don't deserve the praise, but I just want to understand why was the nominee from my school describe this way. Comments from the other 2 schools were like how great, poetic and well done their collection was, but the nominee for my school....:" Because this Hunan native's ambition is to make eco-aesthetic clothes that can save the world." It sounds like they were writing a superman comic. Why use the world because at the start of the sentence? Is that all her talent is worth?

I know how bad this industry works, our teachers are already preparing us with the fact that out of 100 grads, only 1 will ever become a designer. For me, design is not for your own pleasure, in fact, you will never get any, because ultimately, the crowd is the one buying your products, they are the ones you should please.

I don't want to put down the other schools, I just want to know why is our school receiving such reviews from the press. We are not brats who decided that sleeping a whole week is a waste of time and that $70k should be wasted for pleasure. Most of the time, we don't get sleep for a whole week just to finish up on our projects. We don't even have a decent holiday while other schools get a 3 months break. I don't understand why we are treated so unfairly.

I guess if this continues, I'm gonna move to some other place so that I have a say in my future the very least. I'm glad Ashley Isham moved away from Singapore, and don't talk crap because even his sister is from our school. Oh God, I'm so dying to move away!

2009-08-22T23:47:00.002+08:00

So there's a possibility that your soulmate can never be with you forever can there?

We promissed each other 10 years, didn't we? But I'll give you up just like how dance gave up on me.

2009-08-16T10:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I really don't understand what my classmates are thinking. It intrigues me to an extent anyway.

Apparently, if your child fails in exam, you can sue the teacher for being racist. Never knew right? So my friends in JC, go ahead and sue since almost all of us fails and it's impossible that we should fail because we're always the best in our parents' eyes. It's amazing. Oh Oh! And school's should never have competition amongst students because it's a school. ( HUH? That's just BS. )

I don't understand how people can be too sick to come to school but yet can spend the night outside partying. And some even give excuses like my family member died and they have to go back to my country and guess what! The family member calls her just in time to argue with her. And ultimately, these people hope that they would end up famous and rich. Someone should go through their thick skull and tell them that it's difficult to become famous especially for us designers because it's make it or break it. If all you want to be is become famous, please just stop studying and be a celebrity. I really don't understand how I fought so hard to study in this course and yet, it's just nothing to some others.

But thankfully, I still have my clique of friends who are not anything like these people at all.

2009-07-15T00:26:00.002+08:00

So here I am crying with tears of joy cause I've finally got to hear from you guys. Pleasant surprise. Imagine picking up the phone and the first thing you hear is your favourite song. (: Doesn't make it any easier if it's in Korean does it? Totally no idea how much I love you guys. It did send chills down my spine and I had tingling sensations in my heart. This song is so awesome, it does things to your mind.

So few days back, my brother and I were just replaying all the great songs and dance moves MJ did, especially the moon walk and the toe stand. It almost brought tears to my eyes that the guy had to leave so soon.

I'm just listening to the song you guys sang to me over and over. I think I'd be playing this song over and over again till I fall asleep. I guess I won't get to see you guys anytime soon would I, this song's just gonna keep me alive waiting for you guys to come back. I won't post the song cause I want to keep it special between us. You 2 have no idea how today's phone call is going to keep me striving because I feel so lonely fighting everything now. I really feel so lonely, no one knows me anymore, cause I myself don't really know myself anymore. I'm such a joke, how I can place money with such great importance now. I'm just a joke, a big lie and a big joke.

But after spending time in the real world outside government school, things are no longer just 2 dimentional, because money has made it 3 dimentional. I really need a hug from you guys now. It's such a cold night tonight. (:

I love you 2. (:

2009-07-12T12:23:00.004+08:00

Great great week. Had so much fun with my classmates, sometimes I feel that 1 week break is too long cause I don't get to see my friends.

Anyway, really hooked onto this Korean boy group called 2pm. OMG, hawt hawt hawt! Absolute love. I'll post videos on them later. Love that they're great dancers. (: Shit, I feel like a giggly school girl cause my hands are shaking as I'm typing about them, hahahahahahaha. How I wish I was born in Korea. Looking at Korean guys make my heart melt, like when I'm watching Boys Before Flowers. (: Ahhhhhh, Kim Hyun Joong, Kim Bum (he deserves an extra ahhhhhhhh), Jaebeom, Junsu, Nichkhun, G-Dragon and TOP. With celebrities like these, who can hate South Korea?

Homework load is still alright, sewing with Jenny was great fun! Hahahahaha, I love it, oh and by the way, I'm currently sewing bodices. Drafting is absolute terror, it was a terror before anyway, I have the least confidence for this subject, but I'm still loving draping. Draping is awesome cause you can never go wrong with draping, well, so far. Computer class is still alright cause we haven't really started and we're using big screen Macs, so I'm happy. (: OH! And I've finally got the fashion drawing class, fun fun fun. (:

The other day, chloe was asking me what do I look out for in guys. I don't know, never really thought about that, but money is, to me, the most important thing. Please don't go judging me and telling me all that crap about how love can move mountains, cause it can't and money can. So Shuwen asked what if I found true love and he was poor. Thus, in turn, I meant to say I'm never gonna find true love if I'm just looking at his wallet. (: But then again, I can never have any relationship in this industry that I'm gonna work in, because I will never be willing to put down my work for my family. Life's just like that, money talks and love will never have a position in life and I'm gonna make lots of money! Hopefully... However, if that promise still holds when we are 30, you'll be the only one I'll desert my career for.

Can't wait for next week. Ultra busy. I have to rush back on Sat to Malaysia to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday and back on Sat night. Sun morning, someone's gonna buy me my birthday lunch LIKE FINALLY and at night, CHLOE's birthday party! Hahahahaha, can't wait. Wonder if she's gonna get strippers.

But anyway....

2009-07-06T22:10:00.003+08:00

My God, this is so true that it's creepy. I chose it in order with my natural instincts first and then subsequent liking for the pictures. Which basically means, pink picture comes first.

The Part of You That No One Sees is Lonely

You are unique, witty, and even a little snobby.
You're quite proud of who you are, and nothing is going to change that.
You've paved your own way in life, and you've ended up where you want to be.

Underneath it all, you feel very isolated from the rest of the world.
It's hard to find people to relate to you on every level.
The mundane interests of your friends and family often bore or depress you.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

The Part of You That No One Sees is Judgmental

You are wise, insightful, and brilliant.
Your wit is sharp and occasionally hurtful...
Revealing your scorn for people with less intelligence.

Underneath it all, you feel burdened by the stupidity of humanity.
You know what's right in the world, but it's overshadowed by everything that's wrong.
People see you as arrogant. While this is partially true, you are also very sensitive.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

The Part of You That No One Sees is Vulnerable

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant.
You have an outrageous personality...
And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down.

Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance.
You need to feel special at all times.
You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

2009-07-03T23:22:00.005+08:00

Omg. Haven't blogged in like ages, but I've been really busy last term sewing and sewing non-stop. Injured my hands so many times that I can't feel a needle prick anymore.

Let's start with the fashion show I went to recently, to be more exact, it was my school's grad show. Do not expect fabulous work because they've just graduated, so it's more like pieces we see everyday, nothing that oh so special. But I do have my favourites. (Stupid ass blogger, I can't seem to upload the pictures from the fashion show. Will do 3 months later. (: ) In another 1 year and 6 months, I'm gonna have my grad fashion show too! Be sure to come! Oh wait, maybe I should review my collection first before asking you guys to come. (:

This week was term break, so I totally went crazy by going out shopping with dork and I bought...
1) MNG playsuit $39
Omg, talking about MNG, stupidstupidstupid. Remember the MNG bag I bought like eons ago for $125? They're selling it for $89 now. Oh well, at least dork brought up the fact that they don't sell the colour of my bag anymore.
2) Zara Tshirt $19.90
3) Zara Oversized Tee $29.90
4) Zara Checkered Shorts $49.90
5) Dorothy Perkins Printed Tee $36
6) F21 Shrit $38
7) Lee Cooper Slip On $49.90

Total: $262.60! I LOVE GSS!

Hahahaha, I'm so glad, everything was a steal especially Zara. I wanted to get a grey cut out bootie for $126, but I thought better not, because it didn't look all the comfy. Shopping was awesome, but apparently things went so wrong between us sisters. Everything just seems so wrong, let's hope all ends well and we'll stay together longer. I may seem hypocritical because I've said bad things and done bad things but I want us to put everything behind.

New modules up for the next term!
Sewing 2
Draping 2
Drafting 2
Fashion Drawing
CAD 1

Exciting but I'm fearful because loads of things happened in the past module and I think that we're just going to get all the fierce teachers this term. THANKS TO SOMEONE. Not saying that they won't teach us in future, but because of that someone, our class is under the radar even the principal is going to teach us. Oh no, I just hope I'll do well, keep my mouth shut and live peacefully.

Anyway, this part is going to be boring, but it's a tribute to MJ. I know probably millions of people have done it already, but now, it's my turn. Music icon and a great dancer. Everyone has heard of, sang and danced his songs. If you haven't, then it's your lost. Many people probably am going to debate about tributing him because he use to be a 'monster' in their eyes, but you cannot deny the fact that he is the greatest pop star. Let those who have not sinned cast the first stone, which I feel, would be no one. I remember I was 4 when my dad played his songs on the radio. (: Those days...my family would just gathered on the sofa and watch all his mvs. All his dance moves...just flawless. Since it was term break this week, I just pulled out all the MJ cds I had and watched them over and over again. I wanted to put down everything here, board the plane that was leaving for US and just attend his funeral. How life's just so fragile.

Realised that I haven't blogged for so long but all I had to say was just cramped in 1 short post. Blogging has really lost it's appeal to me. When I was in JC, I had so much time to blog, so much urge to blog. But now, I'm just going to return 3 months later because I have no time to blog anymore. (:

2009-06-13T11:16:00.002+08:00

OH MAN OH MAN! I have a fashion show to go to on Mon and I have no idea what to wear. It doesn't really help when people are buying freaking ex clothes to wear to the show. Hahahaha, take for example, paul, who is wearing a $3000 D&G shirt. THANKS MAN!

No stress at all!(:

Sheesh. I think I'm gonna have to pull an amazing feat to get it done. Hahahaha, at least I still have tomorrow to think through it. Oh well, will post great photos when I have time that is, cause I'm having my major exams next week onwards. SUCKS. And I haven't finish any of the research book. Not good.

2009-06-03T11:11:00.002+08:00

Hectic life,no time to really blog,so am just going to do a really quick post.

Birthday was alright cause I had class and so, I could only celebrate at night. Went out with deff (her birthday is one day before mine and we a best friends, what are the chances?) to watch the gala premire of night at the museum 2. Great great fun and I love the Einstein bobble heads. So I wore this really nice cotton blazer which everyone said it looks expensive, but in actual, it only cost me $35. I paired it together with a charles and keith signature ultra killer heeled bootie and my ultimate love, mango bag.

Anyway, sewing loads of skirts this term and they are all looking really good!Lovelovelove.

Recently saw many many great shoes from pedro, charles and keith and zara. I want to get them all! Dorothy Perkins sent me an invitation to Girls night in, but I'm not sure if I want to go because none of my friends can come along. That really really sucks, Claire said I'm gonna get stucked with all the OL's. Hahahahaha. So I think I'd probably won't go.

Okay,gotta bounce and finish sewing up another skirt!(:

2009-05-03T12:33:00.003+08:00

Labour Day. Why is labour day a holiday when it's suppose to be labour day?

Well anyway, S6 out to celebrate Dork's birthday at Go India. The view - spectacular, the food - mediocre and the company - couldn't be any better. However, I think Dork was a lil upset with how things ended. Babe, I'm always here for you. (: But actually, I didn't expect the ending to be like that but oh well. At least we had a decent retail therapy.

Dork bought 2 dresses from ClubMarc and I bought a Zara ballerina flats and long awaited MNG BAG! WOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Omg, it's money well spent and money worth spending. I absolutely love it. Dork was thinking about the other one, cause I bought the blue one. I think I'm having this obsession with navy blue. I've never been happier in my life. Maybe not as happy as when my dad bought me Dior make up kit. No kid, MY DAD, yah, you heard me right, that made me really happy too. (: Maybe this is 2nd best.

So anyway, I'm still clueless about what to do for my birthday. Clubbing is out of the question cause all my guy friends would be underage, it really sounds funny to me. I was thinking of having just one birthday party with all my primary,secondary,JC, RDI friends and S6 sisters. I hope Deffy would be in with this idea cause I'm tired of meeting up so many people for my birthday. And the good thing is Deff is born on the 19th and I on the 20th. Probably book a more economical restaurant or something, maybe fish & co. But the name alone makes me want to barf. The ambiance is good though.

Birthday wishlist
1. Macbook Pro 15"
2. ITouch 32Gb
3. Zara stiletto
4. Top Shop Loafers
5. Top Shop Oxfords
6. Top Shop Booties
7. Aldo stiletto
8. La Senza Ugg Boots
9. River Island Clutch
10. Thomas Sabo Watch with Lucky Number 18 charm
11. S6 Personalised Charm Bracelet (I really want this one, girls, should we get it done at Tiffany's?)
12. (Let's just keep this to myself)

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Willian Shakespeare
Sonnet 116

Nor no man ever loved.

2009-04-22T20:51:00.002+08:00

Aww man, Colin's left cause the ICA didn't approve his student pass. So it's goodbye Colin for 3 months. Seeyah in FD3!

Anyway, loads and loads of drama in school today. Really, I think it's not something to be blown off the hook, but, I think I'm just gonna leave it like that for the moment. I hope you guys can settle the problem soon.

Damn, I can't decide what to do during my birthday. I have like sooooooooooo many suggestions from friends in school, like...... 1. Go clubbing 2. Have strippers at my party 3. Go to a gay club. It really does sound fun, but I don't think I'll be that crazy yet. My 18th birthday, should I opt for wild child or demure classy. Kinda spoilt for choices. I really don't know what to do. I still have like 1 month, so I think I'll just put it on hold.

I really don't understand some things at times, does listening to classical music or reading books that were meant for a 40 year-old make you classy or smart? What's wrong with liking R&B? What's wrong with liking rap? What's wrong with liking electronica, rock, pop or up beat music? Must I be some emo kid that listen to sobby songs or classical music to make me fit it? It technically makes no sense to me. You aren't God, so don't judge. I fall head over heels for black people culture, vampire story books( I'm not talking about Twilight only) and fashion. What's wrong with that?

But sometimes, it's just gonna end up with a whatever and move on with life. Anyway, I can't wait to go out with S6, dork's turning 18 in another 3 days, AWESOME BABY GIRL! We'll go watch M18 movies and fuss over when we're turning 21. Hahaha. I miss my sec school and JC friends. I wonder how are they now.

Work hard people! And I have to go get my work done now.

2009-04-16T23:20:00.002+08:00

Was a really long day today, feeling damn tired now after draping class. Anyway, I was really bored so I went scouting for video clips. Will put one at the end of the post to show you guys, I absolutely love the song.

Oh, a new guy joined our class, so Paul isn't lonely anymore. Hahahaha, he's name is Colin by the way. Life's good, we are bonding quite well now and I pretty much love my class like a lot. OHOH! Brian, the before haute couture designer and now RDI lecturer, has a project for us in which would be displayed during his fashion show or something like that. Omg, you have no idea how much I adore the guy, he is great. He makes history fun, just like Mr Hazry and Mr Mong (no, that's not his real surname, he's called Mark Wong actually, so you get the point). Hmm, I think it's because Step and Dee make funny comments, which makes Mong really frustrated, resulting in fun history lessons.

Anyway, I am getting really pissed with the overuse of the word chic. Maybe I'm not pissed that the word is overused, but rather people who use it don't know how to pronounce it. I know I'm in fashion now, but that doesn't mean that everything awesome has to be labelled chic. There are many other vocabulary in the dictionary, just pick one other than chic, how difficult is that!

I guess, by saying so much, I should teach people how to pronounce the word properly. Chic (pronounced "sheek") meaning stylish or smart, is an element of fashion and the counterpart of posh. It's pronounced this way because it's not an English word to begin with! Screw phonics and do as the French do. I swear I will slap the next person left right center if he/she pronounces it wrongly. If you don't believe me, go google it or another easier way, talk to Brian, he knows French really well. Another reason why I adore him.

Anyway, I think I haven't mention the modules I'm taking this term. I have Contempt History, Sewing, Garment Compo, Drape and Drafting. Really tiring subjects, take today as an example, we were just draping a simple skirt and we started at 2pm and ended at like 9pm. And tomorrow, class starts at 9am, which means I have to wake up at 7am. ):

Christian Lacroix's exhibition is in town till June, I suggest that everyone who likes the word "chic" so much should go take a look. It was awesome, I absolutely loved it and loves him. His designs are really different because he is a costumier and oh, to the previous A07, he made costumes for the play Othello and I thought that it was excellent. Okay, shan't bombard you guys with all these things about fashion, less you people say that I'm acting all high and mighty now.

Gonna leave you guys with the video I was watching. I think that it's really cute and well made. You can love or hate it, it's your choice, but I loved it.

2009-04-07T00:43:00.002+08:00

I know I know. I shouldn't be wasting my time blogging, but I really really have to say this. MY LECTURER WAS A DIOR HAUTE COUTURE DESIGNER, THAT AWESOME OR WHAT!

Omg, I really cannot imagine, he's just 33 and he has worked with John Galiano and Christian Lacroix. He's brain is filled with information and I just feel like buying him coffee and sitting down at the cafe to pick his brains. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. This goes to show, being a social butterfly ain't a bad thing, see, you get to meet cool people like my lecturer. Although I do not credit it to being a social butterfly, it was just because he's my lecturer, but still, contacts are very important in my line.

Anyway, I have decided to pimp my facebook a lil and add more photos. Damn lazy lah, had facebook for like a year and more and today is my third time adding photos. Even my pet tofu has a foul mood already, but I really can't be bothered. Anyway, not exactly excited for tomorrow's lesson cause I have this really bad gut feeling that I'm getting the horrible lecturer. Oh well, my life goes on.

2009-04-05T00:12:00.003+08:00

I'm so glad I went to church today. First of all, for once, S6+1 made it as the full clique. Second, I finally got to have a good long talk with Aik. Sometimes, I feel that Aik is like the mirror to my soul. I guess, I'm finally finding a little bit of joy in my life.

I don't know why, but I'm stuttering while writing this post. It's like, you want to say something, but you're holding back because you don't know how people are going to respond to it. Sometimes, I really want to say, " SCREW WHAT YOU THINK." But to be that perfect daughter, sister, friend and student, I hold back. I know, what's the big deal about that right, many other people do that too. I don't know, maybe I just feel tired to keep up that facade anymore.

I really don't deny what Aik said, but why am I trying to come up with excuses for myself. I want to accept, yet I can't open myself up to do so. What has become of me, I really want to know what happened. I know I cannot do this, but I blamed GOD. I want to ask for his forgiveness, but I can't even bring myself to do it now. I know what grace meant, how people are just self centered and this particular group of people are just like that. She has her problems, and I cannot bother her with my problems all the time. She's breaking away from Singapore and so will I. The grass is always greener on the other side, maybe in time to come, I'll say things like I miss Singapore and there's no place like it on Earth. But for now, I just want to leave this place for like a year or two and experience life on that greener grass patch.

I am a perfectionist and yes, I am a self-defeatist. The worst combination you can ever put together and the most depressing person you'll ever find. I just sugar coat my life flawlessly to be spotted.

Whatever Aik told me, really makes a person think. Why do people want to be famous? What so good about you that you have to be talked about all the time? You are just 1 in 6 billion people, what makes you so special that we have to lick the floor you strut on. And what's so good about putting people down if you're smart? If I take away all your academics, you have nothing left. I agree and I guess, I'm no longer that person who does that anymore. I cannot, it's horrible and I don't want to become such a person. I'm living a lie, a lie so deep that I can't even save myself out of it.

I have to grow up and grow out of it. I'm really sorry for slandering Brother Kim Tee, I really meant no harm. I was just so foolish. I am really thankful for all the church elders because they probably care more about us than most of our friends do. I'm a guarded person, but sooner or later, it has to be let go off. After everything in life I've experienced, I've grown, but just not enough. I'll grow up, in my thoughts and actions. I'm not young anymore, I'm turning 18 in just a lil more than 2 months. I have to put all my effort into studying now cause I'll be working once I graduate.

I should just remember the good and let go of the bad. I have to thank the Lord that I can wake up to a brand new morning, get up from a bed, be able to walk to my bathroom and be able to freshen up with clean water. I have to be thankful that I have a complete family and a great brother who, I must add, loves to bully me. I guess, it's loving in it's own way. It's time I look at the good and thank the Lord for making me stronger with the bad. Everything happens for a reason and I don't know what took me so long to accept that.

Life's a vicious cycle and it should just make you a stronger person than you were before.

2009-03-15T17:55:00.002+08:00

Aiyah, stupid Step, talking about her Mr T all day long. I ALSO HAVE MR T OKAY! One who goes through thick and thin with me, looks all battered and dirty..... My Table (Mr T). XD. Anyway, I think I'm really dead, I can't finish my homework at all.

I think Step is right, I should stop bickering with Paul. In Step's theory, couples bicker when they start out and slowly, fall in love with each other. O.O... I must stop myself. Hahaha.

Have to go back and finish up my colour theory homework now. ):
Oh, and Step, I really regret not getting that MNG bag.

2009-03-08T01:44:00.002+08:00

It's been kinda long, but I still think of him. It really drives me to the wall. My heart races when I talk about him, it makes me feel like a stupid school girl all over again. Step thinks it's an awesome feeling, I guess so? I grin like an idiot when I think about it. It's really retarded when I think back. Cheter keeps pushing me to talk to him, but Step thinks I should take it slow. I think I'd probably end up doing it my way - shut up and let it fade into oblivion. Awesome.

Anyway, if you guys are wondering, I got a B for my chinese. I really wanted an A and I did put in my best effort. Guess it's just never enough. Just like me, never good enough... Hahahahaha, stupid emo. Whatever.

Off from com and on to bed. Loves.

2009-03-06T23:13:00.002+08:00

Everyone has been asking me what I have been busy with. Really, what have I been busy with. I've been busy with projects and school, I don't even have time for dance anymore. I decided to show you one of my projects, one that I spent a lot of effort on. I really miss the good old days. Those days that I had time to dance. Design school was not what I thought it to be, it's even tougher than JC. Doing projects till 5 in the morning.

I miss S6+1, even though we are the closest, I haven't seen them for like a month. I miss my dear, val, cheter, damn, I miss step and cheter's nonsense the most. See, tributes to you guys.

Whatever, damn tired now and I'm meeting my project group at 10am tomorrow. Kinda sucks.

2009-03-06T10:08:00.002+08:00

It's been so long since my last update, have been really really busy, no kidd. And there I was thinking that private schools are a whole blob of glob that slacks. I've been rushing projects till 5am and waking up at 9am to either finish up or to go to school. It's like an ultimate mad rush.

I've pretty much lost track on the amount of projects I have already. Let's see..

Projects till date
1. Psychology of Colour (6 March)
2. Kazakhstan dolls (10 March)
3. Eco Friendly Products (Week 10)
4. Textile Major Project (25 March)
5. History Marjor Project (25 March)
6. Fashion Merchandising Major Project (26 March)
7. Psychology of Colour Major Project (27 March)

Okay, ultimately in really deep shit. I have to finish everything by next week so I'll have time to print and bind and beautify. So tired and so dead. ):

2009-02-15T23:44:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me how's life cause it sucked.
Don't ask me how's Vday cause it sucked too.

Blogger is currently a means of personal organizer so live with it.
Pissed off with all the fucking fashion projects.

Projects to date
1)Psychology of Colour (20 Feb)
2)Textile Project 2 (25 Feb)
3)Fashion Merchandising Project 2 (5 March)
4)Textile Project 3 (10 March)
5)History Project 2 (10 March)
6)Textile Major Project (25 March)
7)History Major Project (25 March)

FUCK MAN. I can't believe it till I had it all written out. All the bloody homework I have, sucks to the core. No sleep again.

2009-02-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

WAHLAUEH! Screw the stupid History of Costumes. I HATE RESEARCH BOOKS! DAMN FUCKED UP. I had to read like about 16 books before starting on my first chapter, how am I suppose to do that for all 13 chapters!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And that Jerome lah, said something that made me feel so self concious. Raykwan just made me feel worst man. Say I smile too much and laugh too loud. WAHLAUEH! He doesn't understand how something so little like me can pack so much noise. WTH! Don't talk to you liao, even if you go on your knees to beg me. BEG ME AND I STILL WON'T TALK TO YOU!

Hahahahahaha. Sorry, just a lot of anger.

Had a good chat with Cheter too, I hope you'll find the answer okay. Love you loads and you know it.(:

2009-02-06T08:43:00.003+08:00

Seriously, my personal organiser is getting so messy that I have to use blogger as my other organiser...

Homework list
1. Textile Minor Project 2
2. Textile Major Project
3. History of Costume Minor Project 1
4. History of Costume Major Project
~~5. Fashion Merchadising Minor Project~~
At least I finished one, oh joy.
6. Colour theory Colour wheel.

And more to come...till I finally figure out what I wrote in my organisers.

My VS bags are here already! Hahahaha. I really like them a lot, but I have no more strength to feel happy. (:
Finished my FM homework already and almost done with my colour wheel, but I feel like redoing my exam colour wheel piece, but I'm really tired already. ):

OH! By the way, passerbys of my blogs, Raffles Education Corp is having a open house this Sat, so if you're interested, please drop by! (:

2009-02-02T00:21:00.002+08:00

I think dad's just out to spite me. Hahaha, I told him I didn't need a flatscreen plasma for my computer. Instantly the next day, he got me a 21" flatscreen. I DON'T NEED A FLATSCREEN! I NEED A HANDPHONE!

So Step and I were like thinking, if I said that I don't need it, maybe he'll buy it for me! So I told my dad, " Dad, I don't need LV, Gucci and Prada!" and his reply was, " That's my girl! Good for you. If you want it in future, daddy won't stop you, just use your own money. *Flashes a grin*

-_____________________________________________-

Oh well, he's my dad and I know him all too well, I'll never get it. Hahahahaha. I guess, that means I just have to work hard for what I want, and I'll do just that!

Snoozeeeee and lovelove. (:

2009-02-01T01:02:00.003+08:00

YAY!

I finially got the Victoria Secret bags I wanted. Daddy bought it for me! Hahahahahaha, feeling so happy now. But sometimes he is just so wierd, I wanted the VS bags cause it was nice and cheap too, but he insisted that I get the CR bag which cost $370. He insisted that he'll pay for it, so in the end, mummy had to stop him from thinking about those bags and made him pay for my VS bags. Funny guy, thinks he's very rich ah. Hahahaha.

Sorry, can't help smiling the whole day. So very very very happy.

Anyway, history and textile project sucks. I'm having such a hard time with it. Never ever gonna be able to finish it. ): But I'm gonna do my best though! Hope and pray hard that I'll get it right. (:

2009-01-28T00:29:00.003+08:00

Today was fine.

I wished both my uncles happy new year, have yet to call the other family members. Hahaha, but feeling damn lazy. ): My 2nd uncle adopted a baby girl this year and she was born on 1st Jan, how lucky is that. Hahahaha, she's called Belinda and I can't wait to go back to see her. Maybe I should migrate back to KL for like a year or two. I really miss my extended family. ):

Talked to Step and Cheter today. Hahahahahaha, so glad that they haven't forgotten about me. It was great, to talk a lil about things that are happening now and things that happened way back. It's like taking a walk down memory lane and picking up pieces that were once lost from my memory. Cheter sent me a song and I shared my joy of Big Bang with him. I still think that he is the only guy that I can enjoy my genre of songs with. You're a great guy Cheter. Step, I hope you luck in life and you know what I'm talking about. Hahahahaha. As years pass by, I know people would drift apart. I just hope that you guys will stop your work one day and remember that I was once your friend, the good and bad times we have shared.

Collected enough ang baos and am going out with dork on thurs and step, jerome and maybe cheter on sat. Can't wait! Hahahaha. Shopping! Going to look for a LV wallet and Guess bag. Really need a new bag and wallet, both are tearing apart already. ):

Whatever, got school tomorrow. CNY in Singapore sucks, other countries celebrate it for a week! DAMN.

Maybe I should drop by RayJay's house tomorrow for coffee. (:

2009-01-27T00:35:00.003+08:00

YAY! Happy Chinese New Year yall!

The season of angbaos.(: I guess I've collected enough to let me survive shopping sprees for the whole year. Much thanks to my Daddy! (: Sometimes, dad looks like a nice teddy bear, but when I get home from shopping sprees, he's like a field of landmines. Hahaha.

They boys, sab and joy are back. Sleep over at Devon's today, so he's picking me up a lil later. (: Can't wait for bigbig suave looking apartment. There's gonna be a bartender too, awesome! I miss mahjong, feeling like a real addict now.

Thanks to Ray and Jay, I can't accept the things you brought back. I hate it if it's lacy! Hahaha, so you guys can save it for yourself or give it to someone else. I'll keep the ugg boots though, hahaha, very comfy for bedroom slippers.

I've got a new shopping partner! ....* drum roll *.... Presenting to you, JIE! Hahaha, he has officially been added to shopping list partner! And jie's really cool with it, hahaha, thanks loads jie!

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU GUYS! Love loads from me!

2009-01-24T12:13:00.004+08:00

Damn, this is bullshit you guys.

I can't believe it, the hiptop was already out like years ago, no kidd. HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT!

Whatever. Crap,totally have to stick to my old old grandpa mobile now. Hahaha, maybe I should call my phone grandpa. Sounds real cute. School has been great, made loads of new friends but I feel like changing course to fashion merchandising. All my friends are in that course. ): Friends in my fashion design course are nice, friends at FM are fun! I miss my old classmates too. ): Especially my clique, Step (for being wierd), Cheter (for being noisy), Val (for being there, literally and metaphorically), Dee (for being my friend) and Rome (for being a friend). I think I miss Cheter and Step's nonsense the most, people in my class just seem high profile.

I need to start running soon, I'm seriously lagging behind in stamina. Almost died climbing up stairs when the lift spoilt yesterday.

Okay, enough with randomness, I feel like getting a lot of things, but I know, it's the recession and I have to save up as much as I can. Just read the news, seems like the recession this time has been likened to the great depression. Who knows, it would be soon till we're living on rations. But when things turn for the better, I'm getting myself a Macbook Pro 17", IPod Touch, Motorola Q11, authentic LV wallet (I finially understand why everyone wants a piece of it, it's mesmerising), whole new set of clothes (I will die for fashion), whole new set of heels and more bags. The list never stops, but I have to due to insufficient financial funds. Or maybe, I'm starting to like LV cause Bigbang wears it. Omg, they are so freaking hawt. Luckily, I have someone to share that joy with and she's in RDI. The first friend I met there, she's really pretty and very nice and she's korean! She promised to help me pick up korean so I can live there when I'm older and hopefully, be able to design for Bigbang! AWESOME! Love her so much. (: I'll miss her when we finish our studies cause she'll leave for US straight. ):

So tired with homework these days. And it's not even normal homework, whatever the teacher gives is a project, be it minor or major. This sucks bad. I'm never gonna be able to finish everything and I don't want to fail. I don't want to waste any precious time anymore, so I'm studying everyday. I've never been so hardworking in my life and I'm really happy about it. (:

Anyways, Devon is bringing the boys back and they'll reach tomorrow morning I think. Joy and Sab will be back for the new year too! I'm feeling so happy already, can't wait to see them. (: MSN and seeing the real person is never the same.

So damn hawt, I can't decide whether T.O.P or GD is hotter. Whatever it is, they just make my heart melt. (:

2009-01-12T23:45:00.002+08:00

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

Please take a look at what Motorola have brought into Singapore! OMG LAH CAN! It's the T-Mobile Sidekick! But the product is being carried by Motorola, so they've changed the name to Hiptop. I know right, the name alone turns you off. BUT COME WHAT MAY! I'm gonna lay my hands on that phone. I'll pray to GOD earnestly till the day I finally get it.

Anyway, after that Mahjong session at Cass's, I'm totally hooked on to Big Bang. I know what Kazan will say, " I told you so." Hahahahahahahaha. Sorry for not listening to you, you always asked me to listen to Big Bang, but was too lazy. I finally understand why she likes them so much. Their songs are great! And they've got a really great sense of fashion, something known as the Urban Hiphop. If you guys don't get it, just look at Kanye West, I figure he might be the epitome of Urban Hiphop. I don't know, to me, he is. Talking about fashion, real studying is gonna start tomorrow with textile and history of costume. I'm really excited!

Don't you just admire all the celebrity bloggers? They have looks, money and The Life. Seriously, all of them either have a wealthy family background to begin with or they earn loads just by writing about their awesome lifestyle in blogs. Hahahahaha, I really admire them. So sometimes, I don't understand why they are at each other's throats. But maybe that's what the media wants? I don't know, but reading it at a third person's point of view is really interesting.

Oh well, life's just unfair. It's like how the rich will always get richer and somehow, it's the rich that are born beautiful. They've got everything man. They probably have the Hiptop already and have thrown it away thinking that it's a fashion of the yesteryears. YESTERYEARS mind you. Hahahahaha. Going off to bed now, so please enjoy the video I've placed. I'm sure you won't be disappointed!

2009-01-12T01:30:00.002+08:00

Been really lazy to update my blog recently. But I guess, the most recent thing would be starting school in an all new environment. It's awesome. I love the school, the friends I met and my director. He sure is a funny guy.

Was thinking if I should change back to the old blog cause I can't change the blogskin of this new blog.

Tired and going off to bed. Good luck Deff and Sher on your O's results tomorrow. God bless and lots of love from me. I hope you guys will do well. Oh, Sher, sorry I'm no longer in SR, heard from Fedora that you wanted to come so that we could be Senior Junior. Hahahahahaha, sorry darling.

Loves and snooze.

2009-01-07T00:08:00.002+08:00

And I'm telling you, platinum blonde is the way to go! =D

I feel like turning platinum blonde, but I'm just not pale enough to handle the colour. I want to have a new hair cut, although I just had one like 5 days ago. Whatever. I think I'm going to try a bob hairstyle this time. Blood red lipstick is in for year 2009 and I don't want 2009 to ever end.

Blah, so goodnight.

2009-01-01T14:57:00.002+08:00

IT'S THE NEW YEAR!

Happy new year people of the earth. Party over at Ian's was really fun, loads of laughs and games. Played Mahjong, Scumbag, Indian poker, pig heart attack and 99. MAHJONG ROCKS! Hahahahahahahahaha, I feel like some old aunty all hooked up with mahjong. Anyway, we plan to have another mahjong session at someone else's house before school starts. It's awesome. (:

New year resolution?
I don't know, never really thought about it hard and kept to it. Normally, I just say stuff and forget about it. So this time, I just want to make things realistic. To hell with New year resolution and that I'll just give all the love I have to people I love. Love makes the world go round (I know Ms Ow would kill me when I say this. Cause to her, the world is already round and it does not need to become rounder just because there's love.) Hahahahahaha, I really miss Ms Ow even though she's really fierce sometimes.

I'm really gonna miss going to school with my JC friends. Whatever it is, I really hope them the best of luck in everything they do and for any future decisions, I want to be there to back them up. Give all my love to my Secondary school friends, I really really miss them a lot. Girls, we have to meet up a lot for more mahjong sessions and the boys, I miss all your dirty talk! Last night was really fun because of all your crazy stuff and dirty talk. (:

More love for my dancers, S6+1 and family. Thanks for all the help given to me in the past year, I hope you dancers will strife harder for a better dance future ahead. Although I can't do much with you guys now, but I'll still be there for y'all. S6+1, you've given me nothing bad and everything good. Fun, joy, laughter and love. Even when we fight, we have to resolve it like we always do okay. Family love! (: I think I have to start calling all my relatives soon, although I hope the bill won't shoot up skyhigh. Hahahahahahahaha. I feel bad that I've not been contacting them recently.

LOVE 2009. LOVE GOD. AND LOVE Y'ALL!

2008-12-30T02:04:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you have to thank GOD for food,wine and fine dinning. Thankyou GOD, the almighty. Your hands work wonders and I bet you hear that a gazillion times before.

NOTE TO RAYJAY: OI! WAHLAUEH. Your presents got stuck on an airplane and halfway through, it dropped into the bermuda triangle is it?! Haha. I think it's lost lah. Anyway, you guys should come back to Singapore for Christmas the very least. Things around here are not the same anymore without you guys, not forgetting Devon, who is STUCK being your guardian. Haha. Love you Devon and thankyou for your heartwarming present.

BBQ with my JC class I think like 2 days back, since it's already Tuesday now. It was alright, given that not many knew how to start a fire, by the time we wanted to relit the pit, it was too late. Times like these, you need someone like DAJIE, the BBQ pit starter. Haha. Went home with Val, it was nice given that I've not seen her for like ages and I really mean ages. What? I am 1 month older the last time I saw her.

2 more days and we are entering 2009. Excited? Happy? Sad? I don't know, but I feel scared. Things are gonna be really different when you hit the great 18. Almost everything is legal now and school's not gonna be the same. There will definitely be things that you can never let go in the year that's passing, but trust me, whenever it happens, you'll forget it a month later cause life goes on whether you like it or not. Something that's really valuable called 'age', but I guess I have to like it.(: Just add another line to my wrinkle collection, thanks a lot GOD! Love you all the same though.

Countdown party with 4E4 at Ian's on Wednesday, got to get something that's nice for the gift exchange. Boys will definitely get dead drunk and I really hope nothing bad happens at the sleepover. I just hope they don't rape each other. Hahaha. Ian claims that he wants to rape Jonathan. For the love of GOD, Ian you better not do it in front of me. I don't want to regret 2009. And bad Justin for being selfish and not letting us use his 3 leveled house, I bet you have enough rooms for the guys to get wasted on each other. Hahaha.

LOVELOVELOVE!

2008-12-25T12:01:00.002+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!

Don't know why, but I'm not doing anything this christmas. I didn't even christmas shop. WTH. Getting damn lazy now a days. I guess, just wanted to stay with my family today.

Went down to Popular yesterday to check out if New Moon was in stock. There were 2 books when I got there and with a turn of my head, THE 2 BLOODY BOOKS WERE GONE! WTH, I should just camp out in front of the book shelf next time man. Damn it. Now I'll have to wait till GOD knows when to get it.

Thanks guys for sending me the christmas gifts, I don't know how you guys manage to squeeze it all into my letter box. Ray and Jay, why not you guys just ship me the Twilight series! I've already received Devon's. See lah, people I've known for not as long as you guys treat me even better can. Anyway, thank you one and all, must be really expensive to ship something all the way from Russia eh, thanks Joy. Sab's going to Japan for her christmas, like wth again, pack me into your suitcase next time okay! (:

LOVELOVE and GOD bless. Have a happy holiday!

2008-12-18T22:59:00.002+08:00

Back last night.

Tired and sick. Fever, cough and sorethroat. ):

Pictures would be up soonish cause they are all in Deff's cam.

Love to all and camp really really sucked. I survived only because of them. (:

2008-12-12T00:30:00.002+08:00

):

Going off to Miri tomorrow, church camp. It's more like prison, not even like boot camp. Pfft. Sigh, I am starting to dread the camp, why can't it be in Singapore? I don't want to go so far away! If it were in Singapore, at least I could lie and go home anytime I want to, then I can take a really nice bath. I really hate this feeling. ):

Oh well, since it's already settled, I guess there's no other choice right? Gonna go off tomorrow and then come back on 17th Dec night. ):

I really hope that I'll be like twice as excited as I'm right now(which I'm not AT ALL). I feeling feeling sick already. Sucks.

Bye Singapore and hello NO LIFE. ):

2008-12-10T18:28:00.002+08:00

OMG. Hahahahaha, picked up a new book today, Twilight. Finished it already and I'm wanting more! But stupid popular ran out of it, so I have to wait till the time I get back from Miri. ): With all that waiting, I think it's gonna kill me.

ARGH!

Edward is like the ultimate boyfriend and Bella is like the coolest fictional character I've ever met. I am still deciding whether I should watch the movie first before reading New Moon or the other way round. The anticipation is crazy. The bloody movie is only out next year!

I've watched the Twilight movie first then read the book, so it was okay. Don't ask me how, I just did with a lil help from someone. Hahahahahahaha. The movie pales in comparison to the book. The book was beyond awesome.

So anyway, I picked up another book instead, it's Angels and Demons. I know, I think when judgement day comes, God is like going spend most of his time questioning me of my reading choices when everyone else probably gets a 2 min interrogation. But, for the deep love for reading and not forgetting, reading is the main sourse of inspiration for all my works, I will have to do what I have to do. Seriously, Twilight has given me a great deal of inspiration. Thankyou Stephanie Meyer. I really appreciate your work.(:

Now off to wrap up my Angels and Demons before reading. I can't read a book when it's not carefully protected. Hahahahahahaha, I know I'm wierd, you don't have to tell me. (:

2008-12-08T22:08:00.002+08:00

Okay, so I went a lil mad yesterday. Hahahahahahaha. But I feel so much better now.

I did a lil anger management on my own. (:

Got myself a new paperback to read. It was a great feeling, sometimes, I don't know why I can't keep calm and think carefully. Such ordinary pleasures do the job. (: So I picked up the book, made a cosy corner on my bed and played several jazz and pop songs. I cuddled myself with piles of quilt and since it rained so much today, the temperature to do so was just fine. I enjoyed so much that it came to a point where I just lost track of time. Occasionally, I would look out of my window and see the tree right outside sway in the breeze. It looks so beautiful. By the time I stopped reading, it was about six plus closing in to seven. And the great thing about my bed, it faces the window, so I was just in time to watch the sun set. Then, I start to think about why I've never stopped everything I was doing so that I could see GOD's great wonders. (: It was lovely, watching the sky turn from yellow to orange to pink to purple to dark blue and lastly, black.

Sometimes, I wonder if I have multiple personality disorder. But up till then, I'm just gonna stay calm and enjoy what life has to offer. Life's too short to be spending it on insignificant people and things that they do. Although I did mean it when I said that they have the right to know that their dressing sense sucks and they look like fuck. Whatever it is, I am definitely leaving the church once I touch down.

I wish I never got to know you. Cold nights like these make me wonder even more about why I'll never to get to have such a great guy like you. Jason Mraz lied, it's not lucky to fall in love with your best friend. It's just not right. ):

2008-12-08T01:18:00.003+08:00

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Seriously, no amount of that word can express my anger. I don't understand, I really don't. What's wrong with the church? Why are they such bloody fucking suckers. Don't they have their own lives to worry about? STOP RUINING MY LIFE! I know you guys don't exactly have one of your own, but that doesn't give you the right to trample on ours! Times like these, I really wish that the church I go to is like non-existent. Talk about being so saintly (If there's even this word, whateverr, now there is.). You guys are no far away from us okay!

You guys bitch about us behind our backs. OMG, that's definitely getting you to heaven cause you did it behind our backs not in front of our faces. At least, if we hate you, we tell it to your face, we don't do it behind your back. I mean, you have the right to know that your dressing sense sucks and you look like total fuck (quoted by aik, this was really a good one. Hahaha.) AT LEAST WE DON'T PRETEND LIKE WE LIKE YOU! FUCKERS.

I think after this, I need to take up anger management classes. I need professional help AND I DON'T MEAN HELP FROM CHURCH! Damn it.

I hate all the serving brothers and sisters. To think that I was so gullible when I was younger. I already knew that there was something wrong with this church when I was like 12/13. I already wanted to leave. I didn't stay because of you fuckers. I STAYED BECAUSE I LOVED GOD AND I THOUGHT THAT I SHOULDN'T LET YOU GUYS GET IN THE WAY. But trying to keep up with this sort of lifestyle is getting to me. I don't think I want to live a life like that anymore, if I stayed any longer, I think I would start to hate the fact that I love GOD. Even aik, who made me stay is thinking about leaving already.

TALK ABOUT NOT LYING MAN! YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS LYING TO US! FUCKERS! (Sorry, I know I have a limited vocabulary when it comes to expressing my anger. I couldn't think of a better substitute for "FUCK".) To sister W, what were you thinking when you said "I understand that it's difficult and I symphatise with you." WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING THROUGH IN YOUR MIND WHEN YOU SAID THOSE THINGS?! Did you actually think that I was going to buy that? And there you are pushing the blame to the brothers. If you guys hate us, hate us outwardly! SCREW IT! Don't put on a facade and act like you care. I DON'T NEED YOU YOUR CARE AND CONCERN! DAMN IT.

To sister NC. Your daughter isn't that much of an angel okay. She does bitch and it's not about some stranger, it's about someone who thought of her as a friend! And I thought she and Aik were like friends.

To sister R, I still hate you, maybe even more than ever. Sacarsm is not going to get you far, maybe it did, cause you lived half of your life being the way you are. Well, if GOD likes someone like you to help him in his church, then I have nothing to say.

To sister SL, YOU FUCKING HELL SUCK. I HATE YOU FOREVER AND EVER. YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT TOO! BLOODY SUCKER. FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE!

So, how do you guys like that? I really hope that all of you are reading this. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?! How do you like being judged by a 17 year old? If you don't like it, DON'T JUDGE ME EITHER! YOU'RE NOT GOD AND YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO JUDGE ME! LOSERS. I'm merely returning the favour, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. It was good to know you guys cause it gave me more reasons to never ever to return back to church. I do not question my love and fear for GOD, but this time, you guys pushed it a lil too far. To burry the hatchet and make peace is never gonna happen. I HATE YOU ALL (well, except for a few). I will never step into church again once I return from this camp. Seeyah in heaven suckers, or maybe, seeyah in hell, since we sinned equally.

Anyway, over and done with that, I feeling so much better now. Feeling less angry I guess. Blogging really helps, maybe I should write a really long thankyou letter to blogger. My dad still refuses to get me an IPhone. He said he's going to get me Nokia E66 instead. ): The shape looks kinda wierd, but it's a really cool phone. I guess, be glad that I can even get a new phone during these times!(:

I miss you guys so much. I wish I had someone else from S6+1 to bitch to. I really miss you guys. Anyways, lovelove to those that didn't piss me off.(: LOVELOVE TO GOD TOO!

2008-12-06T17:46:00.003+08:00

-__________________-

That's how I look like right now. *points to that "omg,what a big face" right up there*

My whole family is fighting for the internet bandwidth and being the youngest,I lost without a fight. ): Whateverrrrrr. Besides cleaning up my room,I didn't really do much.

Went out with dookay on Wednesday,gave my dearest a new name so I set myself apart from those who call her dork. SHOPPING! Didn't buy loads though. Saw a couple of people that I didn't really want to see. Oh well, Singapore's small, so there's no point in complaining. Maybe I should study overseas so that I'll appreciate Singapore a lil bit more.(: Bought a lovely highwaisted shorts from F21 and got my jacket! I'm still left with a fedora that I have to get. Does anyone have a cap that I could borrow? Need it to hide my face when boarding the plane which flies off to church camp destination. Anyway, we were trying on clothes in F21 when I saw this group of office ladies next to my changing room whose actions were like hilarious. There were 3 of them and then they crowded around the changing room to look as if they were checking out their friend's outfit to make sure it was alright to buy. You may think nothing's wrong with that. Read on please.(: One was in the changing room and the other 2 were waiting outside, with clothes in their hands as well. GUESS WHAT?! (Seriously,it's a no-brainer) They took turns with that changing room. After one was done, she went to find more clothes. Poor people who were waiting in line. When we went in the second time, they were there as well and dookay was waiting right outside my changing room. Dookay wanted to try on the pencil skirt and so I let her in. But she didn't want to make the other people in line wait any longer, however, guess who was in line next... It was that 3 office ladies again. I pulled her in anyway and commented: " Someone should tell them that this is F21 and not F31!" XD. Yahyah, you guys may think that I'm damn mean. But I'm gonna turn 31 one day and then the little pesky kids in the future would say the same thing about me, so why not I say it now and not regret it later on in life!(:

Went out with mommy on Thursday and bought a black skirt from M(phosis. If it wasn't for church camp, I could have used that $52.60 to buy something better! And it wasn't even worth the price.): After which, went out with dookay again...Looking like a lian. I don't know what the hell was I thinking man. But dookay said the jacket looked like tartan, hopefully she told the truth and not to make me happy. Went to Zara where dook got the heart filled jacket that I wanted at first. She couldn't decide between Grey or Purple so we spent about 2plus hours at Vivo thinking about the choices. Hahahahahaha. If I'm not wrong, she took the Grey one in the end. Still didn't get the fedora that I really wanted.

Went out with Dajie yesterday. So very angry with him. Hahahaha. First, he made me wait at the mrt station like a loser who came too early. Then, he forgot about my present from Vietnam.): *steps on jie* Even though jie is like 183cm, he still acts like a child. All the way from the mrt he repeatedly said that he wants to watch Bolt but I wanted to watch Wild Child. I won the scissorspaperstone, but I gave in to him in the end. Don't get me wrong, Bolt was cute! It's just that I feel sour having to give in to a guy that is of the height of Mount Everest. After which, it was GloriaJean and to Paragon to visit the people working at Metro. Meixin is still working there and they said there are like more cute guys this time. Damn. The flower boy is cute. Hahahahaha. Lifeng and Calvin/Kevin (Aiyah, they have such confusing names, anyway, it's the nicer one that I'm talking about) promoted! They are managers now. Hahahahahahaha, but...they can't scold me anymore! Hahahahahahahaha. Was happy to see them anyway.

Can't decide which handphone to get. It's such a terror when you are put in this position where there is no chio (Yah, I know what you're thinking. But, I'm gonna do what Miss Ni said: "Embrace the Ahlian culture.(:" ) handphones around and you're only given one week to decide. If Singapore had T-Mobile Sidekick LX™, I would be the first in queue for it! But sadly, it's only available in US/Canada and if you want it in Singapore, you have to pay to get it unlocked. I really love the Juicycouture Sidekick as well, but it ain't available either. So I have decided, no matter how much my dad dislikes Apple, I'm gonna lay my hands on an IPhone. :D

This is the unbeatable T-Mobile Sidekick LX™.(:

And the all familiar IPhone.(:

Lovelove to all and God be with you.

2008-12-02T00:58:00.001+08:00

Helllllo FREAKS! (recall madagascar)

Was so bored so I decided to start something like a photo diary!I mean,since I hardly get to see any of my friends now,might as well let them see for themselves how I've been living my life! (:

So what did I do today?Hmmm,well......

SPRING CLEANING!I'm starting early cause I have a lot to work on,so much that you have have no idea how long it'll take me.Well,see it with your own eyes then!

My absolutely messy desk.Don't even know how I managed to study with all that mess.

My horribly disorientated shelves.

My computer desk with a lot more than just the computer.

My encyclopedia shelf.Messy with stuff.

Supposed book shelf but stuffed with loads of bags.

This is how my room looks like now.It looks like war gave my room a lil visit (quoted from my mum).Haha.She's just kidding....I think.

Messy messy.

Me hard at work and of course hard at work with taking photographs.(:

After a long long weekend....This is bits of how my room looks like now!

Neat neat shelves!

Clean walls with all the nice stuff people gave me.(:

I use to have this habit of collecting price tags.No kidding.I bet all these add up to like $2000 over.Those were the days where mum bought me polo ralph shirts and espirit without a thought.Thanks to recession,the good old days are now over.

Really tired now,so I'm gonna go bask in my lil lalaland.Why do they call it lalaland anyway?Lots more to do tomorrow and my room isn't close to done (It's already the 3rd day today. ): ) Gonna dream of my Yu too!(: Love him oh so much.

2008-11-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

Stagnant life.):

Watched Madagascar2 like some days ago I think.Just like Step wrote in her blog,the movie ain't that good.If not for the penguins,I would say that the story sucked bad.The penguins were really really really cute though,haha,marrying a doll,building a bird like plane,debating whether male monkeys should get maternity leave and etcetera.Had fish&co again,which really made me want to puke after that.Note to self,never to have fish&co within 7 days,it'll kill you,trust me.(:

Shirota Yu is so cute,so cute,so very very cute. =D
In future when I finally become famous,which I will be,just don't know when,hahaha,I want to dress him.(: Along with many other male actors,singers and models.For the females,I think that I really want to dress Victoria Beckham and Tyra Banks.

Went out with Dork,didn't get a chance to meet Louis,in which I would one day,really shopped till we dropped,as in my feet wanted to break,tired,irritated and wants to be a loser for the moment.I can't wait for school to start!I'm sick of staying at home doing nothing and I really can't believe that I'm saying these.

Going to lalaland to dream about him.(:
Baby,you're love and he reminds me of you.

2008-11-22T00:44:00.000+08:00

Damn he's hot. (:

2008-11-19T23:52:00.002+08:00

I'm never ever ever gonna get to watch madagascar2.):
Dajie has abandoned me and left for Hanoi without watching it with me!Argh!No one else wants to watch it with me.): They say madagascar is childish...): ): ): Might as well watch it on my own then.(:

):
Madagascar2...

2008-11-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

Went out with Dookay and Aik today.
Had fish&co.
And as usual,the girls spotted this cute waiter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST?
Haha.
Rank for checking out hot guys(as quoted from Aik)
1. Dookay
2. Aik
3. Sop
WHY AM I LAST?!
It ain't my fault. ):

Pictures..later or maybe never.

Talked and talked and talked.
Walked and walked and walked.

"To friendship,meaner days ahead and talking to *beep*."
"Hey,that orange girl is waving at you."
"Wth,they called me the orange girl."
"I don't notice them and they just fade into oblivion."

Quotes to remember man.Haha.

Dookay left eariler and the remaining WALKED to cine gloriajean for coffee and more small talk. Omg,we finally cleared up the misunderstanding. WHAT THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO WHEN I WAS 12?! Damn. Haha.

Movie watched and merry making while talking to Dajie. Man,girls' are pretty good at multitasking. And no dajie, you're not the last resort. I'll make you watch madagascar2 with me only if I can't find any other willing parties. I helping you to save up cause it's recession now! Haha. And I'm gonna treat you to a gloriajean after that okay! Lovelove. (: Missed you so much now that we are no longer in the same school. Miss all you guys and all that dirty talk. Haha, it's not that I'm perved okay! It's just wierd that I don't get to hear it anymore. ): Miss my hon,wanzhen and chin,hahahaha,wierd not having chin whine at me anymore. Misses xinyi's genius brain and paky morning car pool.

Going off to a new school now. Excited and scared,yah you know,all the drills for a new school. But still really excited.(:

2008-11-11T22:44:00.002+08:00

OMG!

Am addicted to gaming and I can't stop!
Wohoo!

My last day at school yesterday.
Although have not withdrawn yet,but who cares.
I ain't going back to school to study!

Went out with dee,step and val.
Will miss them guy loads.):
Had a lot of fun.
Watching "the coffin"...which was retarded.
Oh well,still torn between whether to feel happy that student rate was $6 or to feel sad that I wasted $6.
Went to Spageddies for dinner.
Had a lot of food.(:
Dee has a nice boyfriend.
And it has come to my friends' attention that if I ever did get a boyfriend,he has to
1. Be really rich
2. Be in the F&B industry
Which either way,I don't really mind.XD
Watched the ngeeancity car people.
Whatever they are called.
It was funny.
We even came up with ideas to distract them so that their hands will leave the car.XD
Drowned by Step's lameness and went home.
Read a book,slept and went to apply for RDI today.

The guy that talked to us was cute.Haha.
Really really cute.(:
I'm happy.

2008-11-07T23:45:00.002+08:00

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!
DON'T WANT.
DON'T WANT.
DON'T WANT!

Sucks.Morning 8am.Who the hell wakes up that early for school!
Besides normal days...
It's a Saturday!
What happened to 5 day week.
BULLSHIT.
To hell with that crap.

What is Econs Alive going to do?
Get me an A instantly?!

I'm sick. ):
Flu.
Cough.
Slight fever.
Giddy.
Thinking that I'm seeing "things".
Am I dying? ):

Oh well.

It's these kinda days that make me miss you guys even more.
Saw the pictures of your victoria secret fuzzy slippers.
DAMN GAY LAH!
But..
By any chance,can you guys ship me a pair too?
They look damn comfy.XD

2008-11-05T23:56:00.002+08:00

And because of this chance,
I'll drag you around like an old rag doll.
You deserve it.
You're pathetic.
I HATE YOU.
I don't ever want to be associated to you.
I'll be a nun if this wish comes true.

Okay,whatever it is,I'm allowed to say anything on my blog.
Cause it's my blog,it pretty much gives you no say.(:

Okeydoke,venting frustrations checked!
Now moving on to PW.
It still sucks.
But hallelujah as I have finished my presentation today!
Whatever the results is.
I'll worry about that tomorrow.
Haha.
Finally downloaded Pharoah,Zeus,Poseidon and Emperor!
Hiphiphooray!
I&R tomorrow.Boohoo.

Sleepy.):

2008-11-02T16:59:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the delay,blogging seems to be a chore nowadays.

Well,good news for me.
I think praying really does work now.Haha.
Despite of only studying four days before my promos actually started.
I PASSED!
Ya,you heard me right.I passed.
Not with flying colours.
But black ink on white paper.

And I had the best surprise when I opened my letter box today.
It was really beautiful.
Thanks guys.(:
I think I'll try to not let them die.

Finished watching 21.
Aaron Yoo is hot.XD
And I figured not only do I have OCD.
I am certified Kleptomania too.
Go google it and don't ask me.
I don't really like answering questions.(:

Man,wanted to go out with Ulric today.
But...stupid PW.):

2008-10-27T21:21:00.004+08:00

Lasalle or RDI.

Omg lah.
Have been having a headache ever since.
If times were'nt this bad,I would have chosen Parson's.):

Then I could go study with you guys.

So much on my mind.
I can't even study for my A's peacefully.
Haven't been sleeping well.
Pimples.
Dark eye circles.
Rough skin.
Dull skin.

AIYAH!

This sucks.
Recession means no more facial.
No more facial means horrible skin condition.
Horrible skin condition calls for desperate measures.

I think I'll go to school with a brown paper bag mask.Haha.
Oh well.

2008-10-20T00:05:00.002+08:00

AIYAH!

Things to do:
1. WORKOUT!
2. Dance
3. Get my ass away from a "no life" life.
4. Stop being an ass myself
5. Stop being mean

Haven't heard from you guys for some time.
Hope you guys are coping well.(:
Lovelove.

2008-10-12T00:21:00.002+08:00

YAY!

I don't know why,I don't really feel scared about the immense workload.
I actually feel really excited.(:
I feel ready!
Haha.

I can't wait!(:
It's smiles all day long.
Happy shalalala.

Was trying to finish my book for the past week.
I really felt his pain.
I know it very well.
When I was told to stop dancing till the doctor gives me the green light,
It was that feeling.
It's unmistakable and I know it.
What's a singer without his beautiful voice.
What's a dancer without her legs.
If you're not me.
If you've not gone through this pain.
You won't understand.
So give me a break.
Back off.
Don't tell me that I'm still young and I'll get better.
Don't tell me that I've all the time in the world.
At this moment,
You guys are the ones I least want to see.
I do love you guys.
But just leave me alone for the time being.

(:

2008-10-05T01:01:00.002+08:00

It's really decided.
I'll leave.
Everything is well planned out for me.(:
I really want to leave.

I LOVE THIS SONG!
Googoodolls is hawt.

Iris

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

(break and solo)
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

The lyric's a lil abstract.
Some parts I can't be sure if that's how I should interpret it.
I'm not gonna highlight any line.
Cause.
Every single line is like wonderfully written.
It exuberates pain.
It's probably what I'm feeling anyway.

And.
I tell myself.
Crytoheaven.Crytoheaven.Crytoheaven.

2008-10-02T22:34:00.003+08:00

To stay or to leave.
Stay.
Leave.
Stay.
Leave.

You know.
Something tells you to leave.
But yet,something is holding you behind.

I guess it's decided then.

There's something about you that's repulsive.
I can't seem to pinpoint though.
Whatever it is.
It's not in my power to judge.

I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

I can wish can't I?
But I don't think I can be.

2008-09-29T20:20:00.003+08:00

YAY!

Papers are finally over.(:
*dances and prances around*

Clever lah,everyone's gone already.
During my promos! ):
No more Devon means no more night drives.
No more parties at your super big and nice house.(:
YOU COULD AT LEAST PASS ME THE KEYS TO YOUR APARTMENT!
No more Joy and Sab. ):
Damn.
This feeling sucks.
Send me postcards!:D

I'll miss you guys like a lot.

Anyway,nothing lined up today.
Gonna stay at home with my family.
Watch shutter with my dad and brother.
Haha.
And that was random Jerome.
Shopping and buffet with people tomorrow!
BUFFET!
White dog's and house bunny on Wed with S6.
Whheeeeee!
Can't wait.

Found another song.
Can't wait to tell Cheter!
Share it with you guys first.

"Do You"

Maybe this decision was a mistake.
You probably don't care what I have to say.
But it's been heavy on my mind for months now.
Guess I'm trying to clear some mental space.
I would love to talk to you in person.
But I understand why that can't be.
I'll leave you alone for good I promise.
If you answer this one question for me.

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?

First off let me say congratulations.
Heard that you just had a baby girl.
If she looks anything like her mother,
She's the prettiest thing in the world.
Swear that I'm not tryin' to start no trouble.
Tell your fiance he can relax.
I'll leave you alone for good I promise,
There's a question I just gotta ask.

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?

I know what we have is dead and gone.
Too many times I made you cry.
And I don't mean to interrupt your life.
I just wonder do I ever cross your mind?

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?

I just wonder
Do you ever
Think of me
Anymore
Do you?

I just wonder
Do you ever
Think of me
Anymore
Do you?

I just wonder
Do you ever
Think of me
Anymore
Do you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Ne-yo's a left handed.
That's uber hawt!

Somehow.Somewhat.Someday.Sometime.
You'll understand.

2008-09-23T18:12:00.002+08:00

Kiasu.
That's how you spell it right.Haha.
I brought two erasers to school today.

Chinese was alright.
Maths sucked bad as usual.
SUCKED.

Jeff Buckley.
You died too young.
Wasted talent.

Anyway.
Keyshia Cole and Ne-yo are like hawthawthawt.
Guess I'll just have to give IPod party a miss this time.):
Neyo you move sick.

Becausegoodactorsmakecornyscriptsseemgreat.
Yourenotsoyouaintfoolingme.

2008-09-22T20:18:00.001+08:00

I actually survived Econs without an eraser.

Hallelujah.
Jeff Buckley you rock stones and pebbles.(:

Summertimeloveme.
Happybirthdayyou.

2008-09-18T01:39:00.003+08:00

Everything's going alright today.(:

Cheter,you have no idea.
Thanks for the credit and now it's your turn.
Thanks for telling me things.
Really.You have no idea.

It wasn't long that I doubted my passion.
I questioned.
Was it the best for me?
Would I become famous for it?
Will I this and that.
I totally ruined the basis of my passion.
I don't need money.
I don't need fame.
I don't need a love of my life.
I don't need anything more as long as I get to do what I like.
I want my family too.
(:

Cheter,you made me realise that.
Don't worry,everything will turn out fine.
I'm lucky to have you as a friend.
But the bus thing was a total embarrassment.
(:

Thanks guys.
I don't know how y'all manage to find such a secluded road.
I felt like there was no tomorrow.
I felt free.
Even if I was only allowed 30mins.
Just 30mins off the knee guard.
Just 30mins dancing.
I really felt like I could do anything.
I'm gonna wait as you guys said.
And we're gonna dance all day all night.
Like there's no tomorrow.
I'll get better.

I hope.

2008-09-12T22:50:00.002+08:00

I don't know.
Why am I not motivated to study?
Am I just waiting to fail?
So I can go to Lasalle faster?
So that I can leave thoughts behind?
So that maybe I do stand a chance at US with you guys?
So that maybe and maybe,if my feet was well,I would have taken up the scholarship?
So that?

I should have studied harder.
I should have gone to a better school.
I should have.
So I won't be bothered by all these things.
People around me would just push me to study.
They would look down on me if I didn't.
They won't talk to me cause I'm stupid.
They won't even want to look at me cause I'm not worth their intelligence.
Getting B grades would be a disgrace.
Getting 1 A would never be enough.
I want that kind of competition.
Because I'm not working hard enough now.

If you want to know what's a heartbreak.
Ask me.
I guess,we were never meant to be.
What more could I do?
Too shy to tell you anything.
Too lost for words.
Times like these,I wish I never met you.
Wall.e's story doesn't happen to everyone.
I'm the best example you can ever find.
I have self doubts too okay.
I have self esteem issues alright.
I want to tell you,talk to you.
But I never feel good enough for you.
I can't bring myself to even look at you.

I look at your backview and I feel contented already.
I don't know love.
I don't know self sacrifice.
If I did,I would have let you go.

I hide behind a facade.
Just wish you best of luck.
I won't see you anymore...
I loved you.
Truely.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I feel all better letting it out.
I'll forget all these after today.
I'm gonna work hard like right now.
I hope that I can make it in time.
I want to make you guys proud.(:

I send all my love so that you guys aren't cold over there alright.
Haha.
You don't know how much I miss y'all.
No more late fridays.
Sleepover.
Starbucks.
Non-existent Stargazing.

crytoheavenandrunawaylove.

2008-09-12T01:30:00.002+08:00

(:

Yah.
The past few posts were emo.
But whatever.
It's Friday!
TGIF.(:
LOVESLOVESLOVES.

Mugging mode on for the rest of the month.
Devon's leaving for US to take care of the boys.
Joy's leaving for Russia Ballet Academy or some sort.
Sabrina's leaving for Taiwan to further her arts studies.
Why is everyone leaving?
Haha.
I won't cry!
I'll wait for you guys to come back alright!(:
God knows when I'll get to see you guys again.
Work hard alright.
Love y'all.

To rayjay.
Yes,I'm coping well without you guys.
No,no one is bullying me.(Not as though there were before)
Yes,I know it's cold there.
No,I have no boyfriend yet.
Yes,I'm still mending a heartbreak.
No,I do not care if you guys died or not.Haha.Just kidding.
Yes,my leg hurts.I miss piggybacks from you guys. ):
Love you guys loads too.

My first cry and last since you guys have been gone.
I'm gonna stay strong!
I'll find new bestbuddies.XD.
I'll send you guys mail.
I'll send you guys presents.
I'll miss you guys.

To Josh and other people.
I'll pray for you.(:
You know that God's watching over you.
He'll never forsake you nor leave you.
Just open up your heart and he'll be there.
Just like he was in the beginning.
We just have to learn to open up.
I'm sorry.

I know I sound preachy,but who cares.

To Dear,Dee and Val
I hope we guys will stay strong together alright.
I love y'all.
Workhard!

youralteregolovesmeandyouknowit.

2008-09-09T23:37:00.002+08:00

What if I never get well?
What if all I could do is just watch?

What if.What if.What if.

I don't want that to ever happen.
I want to make people happy.
I would love to show people what I am capable of.
I did not come so far just to give everything up.

What am I to live for now.

Every possible bad thing is happening to me now.
All at once.
It's difficult to handle.

Why am I the only one left behind.

If granted one wish;
I don't need riches;
I don't want the love of my life;
I just want my legs to be well.
To dance again.(:

2008-09-08T22:53:00.002+08:00

A River and an Ocean.

Which would you have chosen?
My story didn't end that way.
Never did.
The river swept my heart away.
Everything died there.
Never once did I look at the Ocean.

Was it fault on my part.
All I could offer is dead.

I cried.
Finally.
For the first time you left.

I just want to be alone.
For now.

2008-09-08T00:44:00.002+08:00

OMG.

I love you S6+1,though only a lil more than half was there.
Bimbo talk.Only get that when I'm with you guys.
Gracey,your friend's funny.
Eunice,I have soooooo much fun with you.
Deff,work hard alright.
Mun,from you,I see new ideas for presents.New found respect.
LOVE'YALL.
Misses dorkay and sher.

Photos up like one day.One fine day.

I don't want to be happy.Stop asking me to be GAY.
I can't decide if it's the happygay or the gaygay.
Whatever.
You know I miss you guys.):
Starbucks.Sleepovers.Trashtalk.
Dance.Drinks.Drank.Drunk.
Fights.Kicks.Punches.Hugs.Kisses.
Nonsense.Homework helping.Studying.
LOVES.):

I know pretty much none makes sense.
Too lazy to explain.
So I'm heading to lalaland.
OMG.

2008-09-07T02:23:00.002+08:00

Somehow,it's just nights like these when I need icecreams,jay and ray.):

I don't like it when I stay up late to finish homework,I just can't sleep anymore.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

We have so much to catch up on guys and S6+1.

Off to take pills and see if I can go to bed!

"I love and miss you" just doesn't come that easy.
Damn you rayjay,what type of mail is that?!

2008-09-05T00:41:00.002+08:00

To
Dee,Val and Dear.
LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOOO MUCH.

Photos will be up like sometime later...but soonish i promise.Haha.

To
Raykwan.I'm sorry.):
It's confession time.

Let's start with the recent ones.
I'm sorry that I ate your sweet popcorn and you attempted to tilt it out of my mouth by flipping me over your shoulder.
I'm sorry I almost made you lose your manhood during that attempt.XD.
I'm sorry for taking your stuff without permission.
The other time when we went for movies and you told me you wanted sweet popcorn only,I was angry and I ordered only salty.I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for spilling wine on your white polo ralph.
I'm sorry for vomitting on your tailored suit.
I'm sorry for using up your favourite cologne.
I'm sorry for creating trouble for you and you always end up being the one that was scolded.
I'm sorry for kicking sand into your eye.
I'm sorry for hitting you accidently with my squash racket at places that were crucial.
I'm sorry for punching you.
I'm sorry for kicking you.
(At least now you know that I am strong enough to protect myself)
During my 9th birthday,you came over and I hated you so bad cause of your stupid spider.I threw it into your shoes and you killed it.THIS,I'M REALLY SORRY.
Remember when it was my 5th birthday,your mum made you hug me and I stomped on your feet.XD.Well,I remember,it was funny,and I'm sorry.But you use to pull my hair,so it was only fair.

I can't remember when was it that we called truce,you jay and me.Haha.
YOU GUYS WERE AWFULLY MEAN.

Now,I want to thank you.(:
It wasn't all bad stuff about you alright.Haha.
Thanks for listening to this brat.
Thanks for keeping me grounded.
Thanks for believing in me.I feel loved.
Thanks for cheering me up when I hurt my legs,I really thought I had to give dance up.From the bottom of my heart,thankyou.
Thanks for shutting me up when I bitched and gossiped.
Thanks for all the free stuff.
Thanks for showing me a world bigger than I thought there was.
Thanks for being the sister+brother I never had.
Thanks for bringing me to your first high school dance.
Thanks for sharing that dance with me.(:
Thanks for being there always.No one like you.(:
NEVER EVER EVER!You'll never be replaced.You and Jay are my life.
I think I will kill myself if you guys died.

Don't know what to do without you guys.
Now there you are gone,I feel kinda lost.
No one can ever match up to you guys.
Live life the way you taught me to and we'll see each other rise to fame one day.
You'll always be my hero.(:
If I didn't know you inside out,I would have fallen for you cause you make me feel protected and loved.Haha.

2008-09-03T00:17:00.002+08:00

RAYKWAN!

BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH AN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDIOT!
AND I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I miss you like a lot.):

2008-08-30T09:00:00.016+08:00

WALL.E WALL.E WALL.E!

He is like super duper cute!
But I like EVE better,haha,she has a cool arm.(:

Teacher's Day was hectic man.
But we still took like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lot of photos.

Okay,so that's the only decent photo I have.

Live with it.
Haha.

SR!

You guys have no idea.

LOVES.(:

2008-08-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

omg omg omg.

I finally understand how God works in wonderous ways.
I feel grateful.
You have no idea.

I really have to come up with a plan to thank them.(:
They're like my guardian angels.

2008-08-24T15:51:00.003+08:00

I watched
As the raindrops pelted down my window ledge.
Raindrops
That clung on to dear life drip gently from the leaves.
I watched
Beyond the trees,to see everything behind a vapour.
Trees
The only thing that seems so clear to me.
I watched
As my life slips out of grasp.
Life
Is there any more to it?

My life

Like the raindrops slipping off tree leaves

Crashing down to Earth

Returning back to nature.

2008-08-24T14:05:00.000+08:00

Try living for something so special for more than 12 years..
Just to have someone to tell you that you can never carry on anymore.

No one will ever understand the pain.

2008-08-22T21:41:00.001+08:00

Screw it all.

2008-08-20T23:35:00.004+08:00

I'm sick and tired.
I just wanna do well.
Is it that difficult?

Studies
~~CCA~~
Friends
~~Dance~~
LIFE

I just wanna do well.
What motive is left in life?
I really feel like a failure now.

I'm sorry Ray for all the things I said today.
Just let me be and all these will pass.
I'm sorry.

I wanna Ace my studies just like my brother.
~~I wanna win something for my CCA,for my college.~~
I wanna be there whenever my friends need me.
~~I wanna dance as well as my other crew members.~~
I wanna live a meaningful life.

HOW HARD CAN ALL THESE BE?!

It's hard to continue on..

2008-08-18T00:34:00.002+08:00

(:

Thanks Dorky(cause you're like the sunshine) for the outing on Sat.
Felt so loved.(:
I'll upload the photos soonish.

Watched the table tennis finals today with my family.
Haha,it felt good.
GOOD JOB SINGAPORE!
You guys were unbelievable.(:
You make us all feel proud.
I feel proud to be a Singaporean!

I guess you're just feeling lost now.
Whatever it is,I'm always here for you.
If talking to me still doesn't help..
God is always there for you.
Believe in Him and you'll find a better day tomorrow.(:
Alright?
Loves.

I miss loads of people.):

I'm walking away,from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away,to find a better day.(:

2008-08-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

):

So tired these few days.
Somehow no amount of sleep is going to satisfy me.

RAYKWAN
Pack your bags right away!
Don't make me go over there and give you one tight slap.
Either that or I'll pack your bags for you.(:

Well,promises are meant to be broken.
Rules are meant to be bent.

I learnt that the hard way.
Because it's your happiness at the expanse of mine.

2008-08-11T12:45:00.003+08:00

Was digging through my bag just now and I found some movie tickets.
Haha,forgot to blog about THE DARK KNIGHT!

As quoted from Gracey

Anyway, I FINALLY WATCHED THE DARK KNIGHT TODAY!
I love love love the story line it kept me in constant suspense!
my heart was beating damn hard throughout and i swear my ears were numbed because i kept pressing my hands to them and hiding my eyes under my thumbs. if that made any sense at all.

Haha.Gracey,you weren't the only one that reacted that way.
If I remembered clearly,I did precisely what you did too.
Maybe even more than she did.Haha.
Poor popcorn box.
At times,I had to scoot down my chair so that I only had a half view of the screen and I hid the other half with my hands.
IT'S WORST THAN WATCHING A GHOST MOVIE.

Should have gone with Ray.
Would have squeezed his hands till it was numb.
Would have punched him when I got scared.
And the tiny squeeky boys sitting next to me didn't make me feel safe at all.
They were wierd.Haha.

I LOVE YOU JOKER!(:

I don't know why,but it seems like I'm doing quite a good job trying to forget you.(:

2008-08-11T02:11:00.016+08:00

I think I shouldn't stay up late from now on, it's making me all emotional and stuff.):

And because you were the one that taught me what a true smile really was about.(:

Ok,over and done with being emo.

Show you guys some pictures of Israel!(:

I think my dad looks cute here.Haha.

Love you dad.

Come back safe and sound alright.(:

AIKY

Thanks for being such an awesome friend.
I am still hurting from that SLAP you gave me ok,but that advice came timely.
I needed someone to talk some sense into me and I thank GOD for you.

I've let down someone.
GOD,I do not deserve your love.
I've let you down time and time again.
Forgive me of all my sins. I am nothing more than a sinner.
And I realise that I love you more each day.
More than I ever did yesterday.

I share the same thoughts as Dorky.
Even though I spend even more time with my other friends,but none will ever match up to you guys.<3

We have to keep each other grounded okay.

It's time I let you go.
I can't stop thinking.
But no matter what,I will never love again.
It's too much to bear,too much to handle.
It's over now.(:

Maybe because we never did treasure when we had each other.

I loved and lost so to never love anymore.(:

2008-08-09T14:17:00.022+08:00

Thanksgiving night.(:

Basically,it's just a phototaking galore!

Haha,Ger is so cute.(:

Ya,I know I'm short...

While waiting for Thanksgiving concert to start.

I so need to buy new shoes.):

Somehow,I always get this pose.

Angel wings and AFROS!(:

Stupid WEIPIN.Haha.HIPPO!

1A07!LOVELOVELOVES.(:

You'll only get the joke if you were there when I was taking this photo.

It's been a long time since I had such a good laugh,I'll love you all the same dear,even though..Haha.

Been real emotional this few days.I know we made a promise,but promises are meant to be broken.It's not your fault that you have to leave without me.The grass will always be greener on the other side,so go and find a better future for yourself.(:

I'll miss you a lot though,come back often.):

Studies is getting tougher,that's just life you say.I know.But some people just have to make me feel worst about myself.I know I am not as clever as you are,maybe that's what you call toughing me up.But sometimes,I really hope that you would tell me that I did my best and to just keep up the good work cause one day,I'll get it right.(:

I'm starting to doubt myself.Was I just trying to supress all that happened?Maybe things are not what they seem and I'm having a rather tough time trying to spot the black and white in this grey area.Please stop getting me confused,I can't afford to lose you.):

Thanks a lot to Cheter and Jer,thanks for supporting me when I really felt like shit.You guys are probably what they call "God sent".(:

Cheter,you were right,if we don't tell our problems to someone,you probably would grow ill.I am feeling the effects now,but I can't tell anyone.No one.Jer,you were right too,humans will never be satisfied.We always see what has not been done and not what has been done for us.

Did you ever realise that I am just here for you.Why look for the greener grass?):

AND CHETER,THAT THING YOU TOLD ME TOTALLY RUINED MY WEEK.Haha.

Dorky,Aiky and Deff,I really miss you guys a lot.

2008-08-03T21:37:00.000+08:00

RARR

STUPIDSTUPIDHOMEWORK!

No sleep for today yet again.):

2008-08-02T21:17:00.002+08:00

WILL RUN/WALK today.

So bloody tired,not the best day to walk.
Haha.
But I had a great time talking to Geraldine today.(:

The canals smelled.
Pongol park brought back fond memories.(:
I kinda miss Zhonghua.
Feeling very lazy today.

Went back in time to watch the guys run.
They were hot,LITERALLY.
Good job 1A07!(:

Homework time.):

2008-08-01T22:37:00.002+08:00

Wao,been so long since my last post.
Sorry,my computer conked out and i can't use the internet explorer.
Using my brother's laptop now.It's really small and cute.(:

Anyway,stressed.
Homework
School
Life
Squash
Dance(although I'm suspended for the moment) ):
Friends,why can't I accept people to be my best friends,what's wrong with me.
MONEY
Clothes

All the things in life bothers me.
I really want to think of you as my best friend,but there is just something there stopping me.
On a cold lonely night like this,where are the people I really want to see.
Jaykwan and Raykwan,where are you guys.
We use to have sleepovers when Friday came.):
Starbucks on a Saturday night.
MISS YOU GUYS.
Claire,Sab,Cel,M,Chan,Missy,JP,Tim,Willy,Mole and Alex,I miss dance with you guys too.Haha.
Von,why can't you stay in Singapore a little longer.):
S6+1..I MISS YOU ALLLLLLLLL.LOVES.):

Will run tomorrow.I am so upset.):
I was suppose to be in the Will run category,but was made to do Will walk instead.
Just because I fractured my leg last year.
Just because I fainted 2 weeks ago.
Just because I am having flu.

BUT,haha,these things might kill me,the flu at least.
I know where the teachers are coming from,i guess I will just thank GOD and the teachers for this decision.

Saw Zhenwen today,haha,she's so much prettier now.(:
Hope you do well in life senior!

Thanks Joshua for all the prayer.
You are probably the only one praying for me.(:
I'll keep you in prayer too.
Don't be too sad,look at the brighter side of everything.

Anyway,got to go sleep now.(:

2008-07-09T20:18:00.002+08:00

):):):):):):):):

Super unhappy today.Had dance practice yesterday but for some reason,fainted halfway,so now I can't train for the upcoming performance.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

All my effort.

O well,but the crew was nice.(:
Because of me,everyone slept over at Claire's.Haha,we made the boys sleep on the floor so the girls had more space on the bed.
SLUMBER PARTY!Seriously,I should stop all these gossiping man.Haha,you girls are such a sin.(:

Even though lesser people shared the bed,I almost suffocated to death still.So I kinda stayed up the whole night(anyway,it was quite noisy with all the snoring).Got myself a cup of milk and went out to the balcony to feed mosquito.Saw Jaykwan sitting there as well and soooooo we talked for the whole day again!Who knew we would be such good friends given that he use to bully me all day long.It was nice to cuddle up in his arms in the cold cold night and talk about everything under the moon.XD.If you ever get a girlfriend,she's gonna be the luckiest girl in the world.(:

Sucks,I am kinda lost by not going for dance anymore or is it because of something else?
Just because.
I can't believe myself.
Being happy should be the way.
Something's not feeling right.

Everything's gone.

2008-07-08T20:08:00.002+08:00

ITSY BITSY SPIDER.

Killed one just now.XD.These ugly eight legged freaks!(:

HAPPY (BELATED) BIRTHDAY MDM JIANG!<3<3<3

Time to hit the shower and start
HOMEWORK.):

(And no step,I am not going to physically hit my shower.) (:

Say it again for me,
Cause I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I'm
THE ONLY ONE THAT BLOWS YOUR MIND.

2008-07-07T03:40:00.002+08:00

Totally loves surprise visit especially when it's from Jaykwan and Raykwan.(:

But no more jumping on my bed.
Seems like I am missing everyone even though I just saw you guys a few days ago.
Thank GOD you guys came along to watch me finish up the card or else I might have sliced my fingers if Jay wasn't that alert.(:
My mind's kinda messed up.
We talked and talked and talked..without icecream.):
I'm following a strict diet, I swear I am AIKY.
I'm not sure if I should have known, but I guess it's great that I still have you as a friend.(:

I LOVE HUGS FROM JAYKWAN AND RAYKWAN.They're always so warm and comforting.
What am I to do without you guys.Loves.

Good luck to you, get that girl you rightfully deserve. You do deserve better.(:

2008-07-06T17:18:00.002+08:00

Don't act like you know me, because you don't.
Don't judge me, because you don't know me to begin with.
Surrounded by too many superficial people, who to trust?

Why doesn't anyone appreciate?
Just because?
I can't be bothered anymore.
Not with him and not with her.
STOP MAKING ME TURN BACK TO LOOK AT YOU.
I am trying to move on can't you see.
Let me forget what I have been trying to.
I can't stop it once I've started.

Don't put me back in agony.

Thanks Raykwan and Jaykwan, but I think I will pass that offer. I just want to stay at home for now.
Loves.(:

2008-07-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

Met up with Raykwan today and yes,if there is a striking resemblance between his name and Jaykwan's,that's because they are brothers.(:
Both so different yet both knows me inside out.
But I hate it when you guys break me down.
I will remember what you said today and thanks for listening to a little brat ranting on and on.
LOVE YOU GUYS SO SO MUCH.(:

"Don't cry,just suck it all in and that's what makes you stronger.(:"

Should have gone to US with you guys.I miss you guys when you all are not around.

She believes all your love lies and sweet talk
She is afraid that you will let her off

But you gotta remember, I'm not her.

2008-06-30T22:11:00.000+08:00

I seriously have no idea why I am alone at home now.Everyone seems busy these days.

A Levels oral today,I was very very very disappointed with myself.):
Screwed up the first part of my oral because I was too nervous and the later part was horrible because the teachers totally had no intentions of listening to me.They were shaking their legs,looking elsewhere and just trying to get me to leave quickly so they can end early(I guess).I felt no point in continuing anyway,it probably just goes in and out of that thick skull of theirs.Why can't Mdm Jiang be our invigilator?Is that how Singapore determines their talents.I am utterly disgusted.This is probably why I hate studying,how can they guarantee that the teachers are putting in their best?And I am not even going to the part about teaching,I am just merely talking about the marking of our papers.That's why art is the best,you can never disregard someone else's talent because it would always be clearly evident.

I am feeling an all time low now,I really really need to talk to aiky or dorky
Missing S6,they never fail to make me laugh
I THANK GOD FOR YOU GUYS.(:

I thought about it long and hard,what am I doing in a JC?It was never my intention to come to a JC,furthermore,why am I wasting my life here stressing myself up?Nothing I learn here will ever help me in my future career.I regret.MY BIGGEST AND DEEPEST REGRET.I wasted my life away for my parents,but I guess,I do owe it to them somehow.I do thank GOD that I am given the chance to study,but I am just not cut out for studying.Why don't anyone seem to get it.Maybe life's just like that.

I see Mr brighteyedhappybubblypersonality walking out of my front door and not even bothering to wave goodbye.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
and I just wanna be alone
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

Snips from a great great song,if you haven't heard it,you're missing out.

Homework):

greyskies,darkclouds and you were that beautifulgoldensun(:

2008-06-27T00:10:00.000+08:00

NITTY GRITTY!

MIDS ARE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOVER!Don't feel good about it though,but I did try my best.

NOTE:I AM SORRRRRRYYYY JEROME.I AM SORRY KHAI.I will keep quiet from tomorrow onwards.

BLOGSHOPS rock pebbles.Haha.

Anyway,went out SHOPPING today.Very happy now.But Dee's boyfriend's friend is so wierd.He was checking out Val the whole time,very perversly.OH,and Dee said he was staring at my feet or butt just now.WAS SO WIERD LAA.It's either he has never seen such a small feet or never seen such a perky ass.STUPID SHIT.I felt like telling him in the face that he IS toooooooooooooo FUGLY and that Val is tooooooooooooooooo tall for him.Dee was like telling us that he is real wierd too.She forgot to mention ugly though.XD.O well,I hope I will never ever see him again.I was totally freaked out by him.O and Dee,you LUCKY LUCKY girl,he seems like a real nice guy,a dinosaur.So stop it about angmohs ahh.Haha.

So tired now.Somehow,I totally regretted joining squash.I am starting to lose passion for it or maybe I never did have it to start with.Other people in other CCAs seem so happy.I don't know why I can't seem to like it as much as I use too.I wish I had joined table tennis with Dee and Step or maybe just continued on with guzheng and try to get that Gold that I never did get in Secondary School.ARGH.All the regrets in life I made.This year seems to pass real fast,it will pass soon and all these will just be memories.(:

I love you GOD,I just hope you could make my life seem less suicidal.

2008-06-23T18:22:00.002+08:00

Econs is such a letdownbreakdownmeltdowntorture

...And I'm that failure.

2008-06-18T20:25:00.000+08:00

Couldn't help it,had to blog.

Spraining my ankle seems like my part time job now.):
And the movie "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" is totally porno.XD.If you guys want some laughter,this show should do you fine,NC-16 though.

Have to go study my GP now!):

2008-06-14T16:42:00.002+08:00

Ok,human and probably some non-human readers,I AM DECLARING WAR.Going to nerd until the 25 June.

NERDING IN PROCESS.=(

Anyway,lit play for the pass few days was horrible partially cause I went unprepared and knew little about King Lear.I HATE QNA SESSIONS.Why don't some people get it that it is impossible to have an answer for everything.Lit was suppose to be a subject left to the imagination of the audiences or readers.Why do they have to question so much and then curse the producers cause they can't answer you.JUST LET THEM DO WHAT THEY LIKE.If you think you have the answer for everything,then come up with your own production.Kudos to the actors cause you guys have worked hard,although I won't say this is the best I have seen so far.Happy to know that there are people who are willing to risk practicality of this pragmatic society to do something they love.=)

Anyway,dear,you were right,it's tough,but you and I will pull through somehow.LOVE YA.

And I'll gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you.

2008-06-10T00:33:00.000+08:00

Heya people.

Anyway,back from CAMP ASPIRE(which was 3 days ago),but whatever.The camp was ok,food sucked bad but got to know a lot of nice people.Love goes out to Briana,Xuan and Wenhui,cause they made camp bearable.Kudos to Jaymond cause he totally kayaked me back to Singapore.He probably would have make it even faster without me,but,sorry you had to get stuck with me.Anyway,I FINALLY GOT THE WHITE ASPIRE SHIRT AND A BADGE!Once I got home,I totally fell asleep and literally missed dinner.So in total I did not satisfy my grumpy stomach for 3 days.Sorry stomach.After this camp,seriously dirt to me is no longer an issue.

Over and done with camp.

Let's talk about yesterday.TBG 2008!WOHOOO.For those who are deprived,that's THE BIG GROOVE 2008 AND IT WAS AWWWWEEEESOME.Congrats to O school was such a successful show,you guys totally make history.Somehow,I just feel more attached to O school then I was with Studio Wu.Whatever it is,dancing just makes me feel happy.That night was DOPE,haha,learning how to successfully apply that word and get laughed at by JP.ARSE.Anyway,kudos to Eurhythmix,Foreign Bodies,New Revolving Age,Strictly Dance Zone,TP Dance Ensemble,Wrecking Crew Orchestra,B.S Brothers(They are freaking CUTE),Kulture Break,28 Feet,Sunset Alleycats,Dhami,Jacky and lastly,O CREW for the fabulous job you guys did.I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR TBG 2009!

I have a feeling I might just quit school end of this year.Seriously sick and tired of studying anymore and not doing something I like.I wish I could just drop dead now and don't have to go through all these mundane suffering.So many 'I wish',when will all these turn into reality.One simple wish that I hope GOD can fulfill and that is,"I wish I can just forget all about you right now."

I MISS YOU JEROME,wish you were here so at least I can talk to you and make myself feel less emo.

I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired.

2008-06-01T21:16:00.003+08:00

Somehow,quiting school and chasing after aurora's seem tempting.Feel like running away for 5 years without a word and see what the world can offer me.

Finally figured it out
I am small,insignificant
But I don't need a man to make me feel safe and complete.
I'll stand alone and answer only to myself.
So..I'm just letting it all go now.

(:

Feel as though I've let go of a stone in my heart.Maybe I was made to just stand alone and do big things on my own.Well,at least GOD made GREEN TEA ICE-CREAMS to keep me company.

Hush now,don't cry
Cause tomorrow's gonna be a better day.(:

2008-05-30T22:31:00.000+08:00

Heartache
To know that I have lived 17 years in vain.
Tired
Of all that unending chase.
It's probably time for me to let go and focus on what life can offer me.

I really wish trees could talk
So I won't look so dumb mumbling on and on and crying to myself won't be labelled as insanity.

I'll keep you my dirty lil' secret.(:

Love you trees.

2008-05-29T20:36:00.003+08:00

WARNING - Long post ahead.

Let's see what happened so far that I haven't post about. Ohhh.

MY BIRTHDAY!<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Totally had a great time.Love family,dancers,S6+1,1A07 and those few from my secondary school.Thanks to Von for organizing my birthday dance party.Thanks to S6+1 for the very great lunch and SENTOSA outing.<3.LOVES to 1A07 for the birthday surprise,was totally surprised by it.Thanks for all the cakes."Thanks for making me fat".

Monday was photo taking day.Was an interesting photoshoot cause of the setting,really new to me.Totally ran to the grand stand for the photoshoot thinking that we were late...Ya right. Mdm Jiang was thankful even though she knew that it was for show.XD.

I think dear wanted to chase me down with a chopper cause I saw _____ twice.
It's just fate I say,like
Went out with dear,dee,cheter and rome.Had a great lunch and a great shopping trip!Totally tired out the boys,they are useless when it comes to shopping.Haha.

WEDNESDAY was happy and sad day.
Happy cause
Sad cause Monica is leaving for Indo to study today.Although I am not the closest friend of hers,but she is still classmate,she was from my PW group and I MISS HER.But having major problems with PW now,only left with 3 group members.)':
O well,I will survive!(not sure of what though).
EMODAY.It was raining heavily and I felt like crap.Ran in the rain.<3.But why didn't it wake we up from my fantasy slumber.

Today was a GREAT day for dear.XD.Happy laa,your dear helping you to cheat on her.I TOLD YOU A13 WAS VACANT.
Still
PT day.Just kept running here and there.Gp in LT4,ran to the SAC to finish up GPP,went back to LT1 for history mock test,AVA room for GP presentation,lunch,Chinese oral and then had to finish up the chinese paper within an hour and half,ran out for,went to kovan for GREEN TEA ICE CREAM.(:
Feeling breathless now but..
HAPPY sha la la.
Came back and met Jaykwan.<3
Had a good talk,had a good cry.Thanks for putting up with my nonsense.It was all so random,but still you listened.

Jay Sean - Maybe
Beep Beep oh look now there goes my phone
And once again im just hoping its a text from you..mm..
It aint right read ur messages twice thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feeling like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
Cuz I know that I wasn't waiting in vain..

And maybe its true
Im caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
So maybe im wrong
Its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said

Im always connected online
Looked on facebook all the time
Hoping you've checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
I'm hopelessly falling for you,
Every night on the phone I'm..
In love with you, and I know you like it girl
All joking aside,
Let's see you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..

And maybe its true
Im caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
So maybe im wrong
Its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said

Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you

And maybe its true (OH)
Im caught up on you (maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too (Stuck on me too)
So maybe im wrong (Hey baby, yeah..)
Its all in my head.. (OH NO)
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said (both haven't said)

And maybe its true
Im caught up on you
Maybe theres a chance you're stuck on me too
So maybe Im wrong,
And its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both hadnt said

Maybe it's true..(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you (Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong Baby I miss you...

Ya and thanks for making me feel worst too.Of all the songs,you had to pick this.
How is it that we both are in the same plight?

CCA PHOTOSHOOT TOMORROW.Don't know how it's gonna turn out,but hopeful.(:

I know that the post seems ridiculous to most,but you guys who know would understand.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hush now,don't cry
Cause tomorrow's a better day

2008-05-22T23:50:00.000+08:00

Just finished hist essay,totally draining and so I picked out my Lit poems and read through it again.Want to share this particular poem with you guys and see how you guys will react to it.

MAG by Carl Sandburg

I wish to God I never saw you, Mag.
I wish you never quit your job and came along with me.
I wish we never bought a license and a white dress
For you to get married in the day we ran off to the minister
And told him we would love each other and take care of each other
Always and always, as long as the sun and the rain lasts anywhere.
Yes, I'm wishing now you lived somewhere away from here
And I was a bum on the bumpers a thousand miles away, dead broke.

I wish the kids had never come,
And the rent, and coal, and clothes to pay for,
And the grocery man calling for cash.
Every day, cash for beans and prunes.
I wish to God I never saw you, Mag!
I wish to God the kids had never come!

I bet you guys think that this is a negative poem right,in fact,I did too when I first saw it.Actually,it's a positive poem.The persona still loves Mag if you guys didn't realise,he is just frustrated about all that comes along with marriage - kids,commitments and it's no longer just about them two.

I kinda feel the same though,I mean,not in the sense of the marriage part.Just wish I didn't know you,wish to God I never saw you.Life's a mess and I can't focus at all.I am,at times,very disgusted with myself too.):

2008-05-22T20:26:00.001+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

HANDPHONE,WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!

Em,if this first two lines doesn't make sense,let me explain.MY PHONE HAS FAILED ME.I can't believe it,after all the care I had for it,IT FAILED ME ALL THE SAME.Let's see,it hangs,it shuts off by its own,it's slow,has limited storage space and the keys are rusting!Even the past phones I have are not this bad.

Lol,and what's this man,first,D's phone spoiled followed by Step's and then mine.Will Val's follow after?Or do alien's make better phones?Shall ask her tomorrow.I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.How can it fail me at a time like this,especially when I was having a conversation with Layla and the sponsors.CRAP.In which I totally gave up on calling back.And yes,I did something I never did before,I slammed my handphone against the pillar.MAIN THING IS,IT STILL DIDN'T WORK.

Layla,if you see this,the N81 8GB in the showcase window looks good doesn't it?Hmm,seems like you haven't gotten me a present yet.XD.

Anyway,if you guys didn't know me any better,I LOVE TREES.I love watching them,climbing up them and drawing them.It's beautiful especially when there's a strong wind and the leaves cascade down along with the breeze.IT'S A WONDERFUL SIGHT.I spotted a great tree in school a few weeks back,can't stop staring at it.Showed D,Step and Rome.It's called Sophia's tree now.XD,and coincidently,Step likes a tree next to it and so,she named it friend of Sophia's tree.Was admiring it with Rome the other day,can't help but made me think a little.

If trees could talk,I want to ask how it feels like to provide shade to people but yet never get the praise for being so beautiful.I want to ask if it feels hurt to see it's leaves drop off from its branches.I want to ask if it has ever loved anyone so much that it wants to uproot itself and follow him/her.I'll love it if trees could talk,then I could tell it lots of secrets.=D.

Anyway,will update stuff about my birthday during the weekends,it's gonna be long anyway.LOVES Y'ALL.

2008-05-13T22:42:00.000+08:00

OMG,dear and me are finally lesbian partners but it's only gonna be part time!(Don't know how it's gonna work if it's just part time).This is just a temporary measure to cure Step's empty soul.Anyone interested in Step,please fill up the application form and I will call you very soon to confirm your interview timing.Haha.O well,was so funny when we had this conversation.

Me:"Hey,why not let's just get together?"

Step:"Who proposes like that?!"

M:"Then what you want me to do?Go on my knees?!"

S:"Ya."

M:"STUPID."

S:"Then who's gonna be the guy?The guy have to carry all the shopping when we go out."

*Thought for a while*

M:"Let's just both be the girl and we can take Jerome out when we go shopping.XD"

S:*Laughs and nodds*

Anyway,as promised,I am going to post some of my baby's photo for Step's viewing pleasure.Haha.

Hammy when it was still small and skinny.That's a grape next to her,I pealed off the skin of the grape so it looks a little digusting.

Hammy sleeping.I remember it use to be so fat it could not flip over after it woke up and so I had to manually push it over!XD.Couldn't help it,it was soooo cute that I kept feeding it food,forgot how much I fed it and so it became horizontally challenged.Miss you hammy.(:

I swear she fell into the rubbish bin herself.I let her out for her evening walk on the coffee table,she scurried across the table to quick and dropped into the rubbish bin.Haha.Miss those days hammy.

There you go dear,digging up sad memories.Haha.MISS YOU SO MUCH HAMMY,HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN YOUR LITTLE HAMMY WORLD!

Stupid Step.I almost got tortured to death by her today.First,I almost fell off the step(the real steps of a staircase)due to her huge bag.Almost smacked me in the face too!Next,while we were walking towards the toilet,she totally punched my in the arm.HURT LIKE HELL cause we had NAPFA the day before and my arms hurt cause of the IPU.I did 28 or was it 27?Couldn't remember but I am damn proud of myself.O ya!AND I FREAKING PASSED THE STANDING BROAD JUMP!173 CM!YAY!Haha.(Grinning like an idiot now).

Anyway,getting real hungry for some reasons.(:

2008-05-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

Aww man,Rome can't turn up for my birthday party because of some competition.Sucks,totally reminded me the time when Clement missed my birthday party(Secretly curses Da jie).Seems like that every year.O well.Life goes on.(:

Feeling kinda emo cause the weather's kinda cold today and it rained a little in the afternoon.(Totally not a reason to feel emo,but I am.)

What does it take for you to notice that piece of insignificance
sprawled across the cold,dark floor?
You chose nothing but to take the very thing that
constitutes to her every emotions.
Just for once,look her in the eye and end her suffering
by telling her to wait no longer.
You of a stone cold heart and beautiful eyes.

Ever got that dumb situation where you are feeling kinda bad already and then you chance upon a song that makes you feel worst?This is that very moment for me.

Emotions by Destiny's Child

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world to
hold me tightnobody left in this world to kiss goodnight

SHEESH MAN,if I wasn't feeling bad enough.

2008-05-11T20:19:00.000+08:00

Crappy weekend.

Friday was like a rollercoaster ride.Lit was the problem,why must they always use such emotional teaching material.Haha.We did some character analysis in which Miss Chew showed us some videos about father daughter relationship.One was the disney characters,another was christina's hurt and last was bob carlisle's butterfly kisses.Didn't plan to cry,but when I heard Step sobbing,WTH,couldn't help myself.Shall show you the lyrics of butterfly kisses,really really touching.

There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair"
Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

It's really sad.And to make it worst,fate was playing games with me.O well.Had dance party that night.Stupid,I didn't know anything until Von came to pick me up.Met all my dance mates there.Was cool cause we haven't seen each other for like the longest time and finally got together because of Jaykwan.And where ever Jaykwan is there will be stupid conversations.(:

Jay:"How old are you?"
Me:"*WTH*17 man,how could you forget?!"
J:"Single?"
M:"Duh and GAY too all thanks to you."
J:"Want a guy?"
M:"*Wondering if he ever listens*No,Jay,do you know what gay means?"
J:"Lost your virginity?"
M:"HELL NO MAN."

That's when JP came and dragged him onto the dance floor to end this stupid conversation.Know what I meant when I said if he ever listens.LOL.Stupid shit,should totally slap him left,right,centre.Anyway,the dance party was great.

When like about 7/8 of the people were getting drunk and falling limp over the couches,I sat down with Von,JP and Claire to catch up and have a little drink.Was fine until Von asked me if I regretted not going.I started to question myself,what have I gotten myself into?Was coming to JC the right choice or should I have taken that chance to go overseas and train for dance.If I did,I probably would be as good as Jay or maybe even have the chance to tour like Von,probably not so much of the later.Damn.Whatever it is,the opportunity is gone and I should just look foward.Right?

Had to wake up damn early for hist lesson on sat.SUCKS BIG TIME.Totally wanted to sleep.After which,we did a little PW and then I had to leave for my dental.RETAINERS ARE CUTE!

Continued with PW today and piles and piles of homework stacked on my desk.Feel the pressure man.

2008-05-07T22:30:00.001+08:00

DAMN,so tired today.Ran 2.4 with Denyse and Val,but D didn't pass,so we are running again on Friday.Had PE and CCA.Totally just want to die.

Anyway,JAYKWAN CAME BACK FROM THE STATES TODAY!You little bastard,should have told me so I could meet you at the airport.He came over and invited me over to his welcome party,which is pure dance party.(Crazy,I am almost dying here after all the exercising..)I had to give it a pass this time,SUCKS.BUT I'M STILL REALLY HAPPY HE CAME BACK!MISSED HIM SO MUCH.But we still sat down and did a little catching up.I know everything now and I am so disappointed in you.HOW COULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR PASSION FOR A MERE OPPRESSION?!Maybe there is something I don't know,but you could have at least told me.I can't believe that you totally sacrificed our 10+ years of friendship.I can only wish that you get that happiness you deserve and I hope for your return to the right path.

Stupid Jaykwan,he is probably the reason why I totally turn gay.LOL.You stupid shit.But thanks a lot for coming to see me,I really appreciate it.LOVE YOU DEAR!Hope our friendship goes on forever and ever!=).

So bloody tired now that nothing is going into my brain,totally blocking out things that were being said.Crap.Going to bed now while stupid JAYKWAN is having the time of his life.LOL.Totally told Jaykwan about him,WTH,shouldn't even bother.His advice equals to not giving any advice at all.I AM NOT DUMB JAY,just not sure yet.