Because I feel so lost now, because I miss everyone and because I see the evil in fashion.

So many people left, so many strangers, who are my real friends, that smile and set daggers in my back. People left being wronged, just so others could save their position in this industry. You see the evil but you can't do anything. You seek solitude in the Higher Power above, but those who serve condemn you because of your profession. When they say they'll pray 40years for your return, it's bullshit. But I don't want to degrade myself to their level and judge people with their human mind. If you'd not sin, then cast the first stone. Do not look on the outside but the inside, that's what they say, and yet, they judge you on your appearance. I do not love God any less than you just because my mind is filled with my look. But I'll move forward in this path I chose because I believe that God truly understands.

I just want to grow old fast and scather my footprints around the World and when I finally meet God, I'll tell him he created a beautiful world and that I'm glad he made me.

Omg, I wanted to kill myself after watching a clip on Jae.

How can anyone treat him like that! I wanted to cry when he said: " I came here to make ends meet..."

Don't get Jae and my Jay mixed up. Hahaha, Jay, please leave NY and move to Seattle to find Jae for me will you? AHahahaha, God, miss you and Ray so much. LOVELOVELOVE!

ARGH! Omg, I had it with the press. What's up with them and Raffles Design? It's like the editor in chief hates us.

I don't really think that I'm being sensitive but you guys can go dig up your urban news and take a look ( Sorry, can't remember when it was, around August? But at that time, I thought I was just being sensitive). The paper was introducing the various art schools in Singapore and they make the other schools sound like it's a pool filled with genius designers and Raffles? It's just a place where all the rich don't know where they want to spend their money and decided that the $70k school fees was the best choice.

Today, just finished with the Elle magazine and the Elle Award nominees were there. I'm glad to say that from designer of the year award, 2 were our alumni. One of our grads were also nominated for the best grad award, the other 2 were from NAFA and LaSalle respectively. I'm not saying that they don't deserve the praise, but I just want to understand why was the nominee from my school describe this way. Comments from the other 2 schools were like how great, poetic and well done their collection was, but the nominee for my school....:" Because this Hunan native's ambition is to make eco-aesthetic clothes that can save the world." It sounds like they were writing a superman comic. Why use the world because at the start of the sentence? Is that all her talent is worth?

I know how bad this industry works, our teachers are already preparing us with the fact that out of 100 grads, only 1 will ever become a designer. For me, design is not for your own pleasure, in fact, you will never get any, because ultimately, the crowd is the one buying your products, they are the ones you should please.

I don't want to put down the other schools, I just want to know why is our school receiving such reviews from the press. We are not brats who decided that sleeping a whole week is a waste of time and that $70k should be wasted for pleasure. Most of the time, we don't get sleep for a whole week just to finish up on our projects. We don't even have a decent holiday while other schools get a 3 months break. I don't understand why we are treated so unfairly.

I guess if this continues, I'm gonna move to some other place so that I have a say in my future the very least. I'm glad Ashley Isham moved away from Singapore, and don't talk crap because even his sister is from our school. Oh God, I'm so dying to move away!

So there's a possibility that your soulmate can never be with you forever can there?

We promissed each other 10 years, didn't we? But I'll give you up just like how dance gave up on me.

Sometimes, I really don't understand what my classmates are thinking. It intrigues me to an extent anyway.

Apparently, if your child fails in exam, you can sue the teacher for being racist. Never knew right? So my friends in JC, go ahead and sue since almost all of us fails and it's impossible that we should fail because we're always the best in our parents' eyes. It's amazing. Oh Oh! And school's should never have competition amongst students because it's a school. ( HUH? That's just BS. )

I don't understand how people can be too sick to come to school but yet can spend the night outside partying. And some even give excuses like my family member died and they have to go back to my country and guess what! The family member calls her just in time to argue with her. And ultimately, these people hope that they would end up famous and rich. Someone should go through their thick skull and tell them that it's difficult to become famous especially for us designers because it's make it or break it. If all you want to be is become famous, please just stop studying and be a celebrity. I really don't understand how I fought so hard to study in this course and yet, it's just nothing to some others.

But thankfully, I still have my clique of friends who are not anything like these people at all.

So here I am crying with tears of joy cause I've finally got to hear from you guys. Pleasant surprise. Imagine picking up the phone and the first thing you hear is your favourite song. (: Doesn't make it any easier if it's in Korean does it? Totally no idea how much I love you guys. It did send chills down my spine and I had tingling sensations in my heart. This song is so awesome, it does things to your mind.

So few days back, my brother and I were just replaying all the great songs and dance moves MJ did, especially the moon walk and the toe stand. It almost brought tears to my eyes that the guy had to leave so soon.

I'm just listening to the song you guys sang to me over and over. I think I'd be playing this song over and over again till I fall asleep. I guess I won't get to see you guys anytime soon would I, this song's just gonna keep me alive waiting for you guys to come back. I won't post the song cause I want to keep it special between us. You 2 have no idea how today's phone call is going to keep me striving because I feel so lonely fighting everything now. I really feel so lonely, no one knows me anymore, cause I myself don't really know myself anymore. I'm such a joke, how I can place money with such great importance now. I'm just a joke, a big lie and a big joke.

But after spending time in the real world outside government school, things are no longer just 2 dimentional, because money has made it 3 dimentional. I really need a hug from you guys now. It's such a cold night tonight. (:

I love you 2. (:

Great great week. Had so much fun with my classmates, sometimes I feel that 1 week break is too long cause I don't get to see my friends.

Anyway, really hooked onto this Korean boy group called 2pm. OMG, hawt hawt hawt! Absolute love. I'll post videos on them later. Love that they're great dancers. (: Shit, I feel like a giggly school girl cause my hands are shaking as I'm typing about them, hahahahahahaha. How I wish I was born in Korea. Looking at Korean guys make my heart melt, like when I'm watching Boys Before Flowers. (: Ahhhhhh, Kim Hyun Joong, Kim Bum (he deserves an extra ahhhhhhhh), Jaebeom, Junsu, Nichkhun, G-Dragon and TOP. With celebrities like these, who can hate South Korea?

Homework load is still alright, sewing with Jenny was great fun! Hahahahaha, I love it, oh and by the way, I'm currently sewing bodices. Drafting is absolute terror, it was a terror before anyway, I have the least confidence for this subject, but I'm still loving draping. Draping is awesome cause you can never go wrong with draping, well, so far. Computer class is still alright cause we haven't really started and we're using big screen Macs, so I'm happy. (: OH! And I've finally got the fashion drawing class, fun fun fun. (:

The other day, chloe was asking me what do I look out for in guys. I don't know, never really thought about that, but money is, to me, the most important thing. Please don't go judging me and telling me all that crap about how love can move mountains, cause it can't and money can. So Shuwen asked what if I found true love and he was poor. Thus, in turn, I meant to say I'm never gonna find true love if I'm just looking at his wallet. (: But then again, I can never have any relationship in this industry that I'm gonna work in, because I will never be willing to put down my work for my family. Life's just like that, money talks and love will never have a position in life and I'm gonna make lots of money! Hopefully... However, if that promise still holds when we are 30, you'll be the only one I'll desert my career for.

Can't wait for next week. Ultra busy. I have to rush back on Sat to Malaysia to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday and back on Sat night. Sun morning, someone's gonna buy me my birthday lunch LIKE FINALLY and at night, CHLOE's birthday party! Hahahahaha, can't wait. Wonder if she's gonna get strippers.

But anyway....