Friday, May 30, 2008

Heartache
To know that I have lived 17 years in vain.
Tired
Of all that unending chase.
It's probably time for me to let go and focus on what life can offer me.

I really wish trees could talk
So I won't look so dumb mumbling on and on and crying to myself won't be labelled as insanity.

I'll keep you my dirty lil' secret.(:

Love you trees.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

WARNING - Long post ahead.

Let's see what happened so far that I haven't post about. Ohhh.

MY BIRTHDAY!<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Totally had a great time.Love family,dancers,S6+1,1A07 and those few from my secondary school.Thanks to Von for organizing my birthday dance party.Thanks to S6+1 for the very great lunch and SENTOSA outing.<3.LOVES to 1A07 for the birthday surprise,was totally surprised by it.Thanks for all the cakes."Thanks for making me fat".

Monday was photo taking day.Was an interesting photoshoot cause of the setting,really new to me.Totally ran to the grand stand for the photoshoot thinking that we were late...Ya right. Mdm Jiang was thankful even though she knew that it was for show.XD.

I think dear wanted to chase me down with a chopper cause I saw _____ twice.
It's just fate I say,like
Went out with dear,dee,cheter and rome.Had a great lunch and a great shopping trip!Totally tired out the boys,they are useless when it comes to shopping.Haha.

WEDNESDAY was happy and sad day.
Happy cause
Sad cause Monica is leaving for Indo to study today.Although I am not the closest friend of hers,but she is still classmate,she was from my PW group and I MISS HER.But having major problems with PW now,only left with 3 group members.)':
O well,I will survive!(not sure of what though).
EMODAY.It was raining heavily and I felt like crap.Ran in the rain.<3.But why didn't it wake we up from my fantasy slumber.

Today was a GREAT day for dear.XD.Happy laa,your dear helping you to cheat on her.I TOLD YOU A13 WAS VACANT.
Still
PT day.Just kept running here and there.Gp in LT4,ran to the SAC to finish up GPP,went back to LT1 for history mock test,AVA room for GP presentation,lunch,Chinese oral and then had to finish up the chinese paper within an hour and half,ran out for,went to kovan for GREEN TEA ICE CREAM.(:
Feeling breathless now but..
HAPPY sha la la.
Came back and met Jaykwan.<3
Had a good talk,had a good cry.Thanks for putting up with my nonsense.It was all so random,but still you listened.

Jay Sean - Maybe
Beep Beep oh look now there goes my phone
And once again im just hoping its a text from you..mm..
It aint right read ur messages twice thrice
Four times a night its true
Everyday I patiently wait
Feeling like a fool but I do, anyway
Nothing can feel as sweet and as real
Cuz I know that I wasn't waiting in vain..

And maybe its true
Im caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
So maybe im wrong
Its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said

Im always connected online
Looked on facebook all the time
Hoping you've checked my profile
Just can't help wondering why,
You play it cool but,
I'm hopelessly falling for you,
Every night on the phone I'm..
In love with you, and I know you like it girl
All joking aside,
Let's see you and I
Come out and say what we're trying to hide..

And maybe its true
Im caught up on you
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too
So maybe im wrong
Its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said

Like I really want you,
I think I need you,
Baby I miss you,
I'm thinking of you

And maybe its true (OH)
Im caught up on you (maybe, yeah)
Maybe there's a chance your stuck on me too (Stuck on me too)
So maybe im wrong (Hey baby, yeah..)
Its all in my head.. (OH NO)
Maybe we're afraid of words we both haven't said (both haven't said)

And maybe its true
Im caught up on you
Maybe theres a chance you're stuck on me too
So maybe Im wrong,
And its all in my head
Maybe we're afraid of words we both hadnt said

Maybe it's true..(Baby I Miss You)
I'm caught up on you (Look I Want You)
Maybe I am wrong Baby I miss you...

Ya and thanks for making me feel worst too.Of all the songs,you had to pick this.
How is it that we both are in the same plight?

CCA PHOTOSHOOT TOMORROW.Don't know how it's gonna turn out,but hopeful.(:

I know that the post seems ridiculous to most,but you guys who know would understand.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hush now,don't cry
Cause tomorrow's a better day

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Just finished hist essay,totally draining and so I picked out my Lit poems and read through it again.Want to share this particular poem with you guys and see how you guys will react to it.

MAG by Carl Sandburg

I wish to God I never saw you, Mag.
I wish you never quit your job and came along with me.
I wish we never bought a license and a white dress
For you to get married in the day we ran off to the minister
And told him we would love each other and take care of each other
Always and always, as long as the sun and the rain lasts anywhere.
Yes, I'm wishing now you lived somewhere away from here
And I was a bum on the bumpers a thousand miles away, dead broke.

I wish the kids had never come,
And the rent, and coal, and clothes to pay for,
And the grocery man calling for cash.
Every day, cash for beans and prunes.
I wish to God I never saw you, Mag!
I wish to God the kids had never come!

I bet you guys think that this is a negative poem right,in fact,I did too when I first saw it.Actually,it's a positive poem.The persona still loves Mag if you guys didn't realise,he is just frustrated about all that comes along with marriage - kids,commitments and it's no longer just about them two.

I kinda feel the same though,I mean,not in the sense of the marriage part.Just wish I didn't know you,wish to God I never saw you.Life's a mess and I can't focus at all.I am,at times,very disgusted with myself too.):
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

HANDPHONE,WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!

Em,if this first two lines doesn't make sense,let me explain.MY PHONE HAS FAILED ME.I can't believe it,after all the care I had for it,IT FAILED ME ALL THE SAME.Let's see,it hangs,it shuts off by its own,it's slow,has limited storage space and the keys are rusting!Even the past phones I have are not this bad.

Lol,and what's this man,first,D's phone spoiled followed by Step's and then mine.Will Val's follow after?Or do alien's make better phones?Shall ask her tomorrow.I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT.How can it fail me at a time like this,especially when I was having a conversation with Layla and the sponsors.CRAP.In which I totally gave up on calling back.And yes,I did something I never did before,I slammed my handphone against the pillar.MAIN THING IS,IT STILL DIDN'T WORK.

Layla,if you see this,the N81 8GB in the showcase window looks good doesn't it?Hmm,seems like you haven't gotten me a present yet.XD.

Anyway,if you guys didn't know me any better,I LOVE TREES.I love watching them,climbing up them and drawing them.It's beautiful especially when there's a strong wind and the leaves cascade down along with the breeze.IT'S A WONDERFUL SIGHT.I spotted a great tree in school a few weeks back,can't stop staring at it.Showed D,Step and Rome.It's called Sophia's tree now.XD,and coincidently,Step likes a tree next to it and so,she named it friend of Sophia's tree.Was admiring it with Rome the other day,can't help but made me think a little.

If trees could talk,I want to ask how it feels like to provide shade to people but yet never get the praise for being so beautiful.I want to ask if it feels hurt to see it's leaves drop off from its branches.I want to ask if it has ever loved anyone so much that it wants to uproot itself and follow him/her.I'll love it if trees could talk,then I could tell it lots of secrets.=D.

Anyway,will update stuff about my birthday during the weekends,it's gonna be long anyway.LOVES Y'ALL.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

OMG,dear and me are finally lesbian partners but it's only gonna be part time!(Don't know how it's gonna work if it's just part time).This is just a temporary measure to cure Step's empty soul.Anyone interested in Step,please fill up the application form and I will call you very soon to confirm your interview timing.Haha.O well,was so funny when we had this conversation.
Me:"Hey,why not let's just get together?"
Step:"Who proposes like that?!"
M:"Then what you want me to do?Go on my knees?!"
S:"Ya."
M:"STUPID."
S:"Then who's gonna be the guy?The guy have to carry all the shopping when we go out."
*Thought for a while*
M:"Let's just both be the girl and we can take Jerome out when we go shopping.XD"
S:*Laughs and nodds*
Anyway,as promised,I am going to post some of my baby's photo for Step's viewing pleasure.Haha.

Hammy when it was still small and skinny.That's a grape next to her,I pealed off the skin of the grape so it looks a little digusting.

Hammy sleeping.I remember it use to be so fat it could not flip over after it woke up and so I had to manually push it over!XD.Couldn't help it,it was soooo cute that I kept feeding it food,forgot how much I fed it and so it became horizontally challenged.Miss you hammy.(:


I swear she fell into the rubbish bin herself.I let her out for her evening walk on the coffee table,she scurried across the table to quick and dropped into the rubbish bin.Haha.Miss those days hammy.

There you go dear,digging up sad memories.Haha.MISS YOU SO MUCH HAMMY,HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN YOUR LITTLE HAMMY WORLD!

Stupid Step.I almost got tortured to death by her today.First,I almost fell off the step(the real steps of a staircase)due to her huge bag.Almost smacked me in the face too!Next,while we were walking towards the toilet,she totally punched my in the arm.HURT LIKE HELL cause we had NAPFA the day before and my arms hurt cause of the IPU.I did 28 or was it 27?Couldn't remember but I am damn proud of myself.O ya!AND I FREAKING PASSED THE STANDING BROAD JUMP!173 CM!YAY!Haha.(Grinning like an idiot now).

Anyway,getting real hungry for some reasons.(:

Monday, May 12, 2008

Aww man,Rome can't turn up for my birthday party because of some competition.Sucks,totally reminded me the time when Clement missed my birthday party(Secretly curses Da jie).Seems like that every year.O well.Life goes on.(:

Feeling kinda emo cause the weather's kinda cold today and it rained a little in the afternoon.(Totally not a reason to feel emo,but I am.)

What does it take for you to notice that piece of insignificance
sprawled across the cold,dark floor?
You chose nothing but to take the very thing that
constitutes to her every emotions.
Just for once,look her in the eye and end her suffering
by telling her to wait no longer.
You of a stone cold heart and beautiful eyes.

Ever got that dumb situation where you are feeling kinda bad already and then you chance upon a song that makes you feel worst?This is that very moment for me.

Emotions by Destiny's Child

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world to
hold me tightnobody left in this world to kiss goodnight

SHEESH MAN,if I wasn't feeling bad enough.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Crappy weekend.

Friday was like a rollercoaster ride.Lit was the problem,why must they always use such emotional teaching material.Haha.We did some character analysis in which Miss Chew showed us some videos about father daughter relationship.One was the disney characters,another was christina's hurt and last was bob carlisle's butterfly kisses.Didn't plan to cry,but when I heard Step sobbing,WTH,couldn't help myself.Shall show you the lyrics of butterfly kisses,really really touching.

There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair"
Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

It's really sad.And to make it worst,fate was playing games with me.O well.Had dance party that night.Stupid,I didn't know anything until Von came to pick me up.Met all my dance mates there.Was cool cause we haven't seen each other for like the longest time and finally got together because of Jaykwan.And where ever Jaykwan is there will be stupid conversations.(:

Jay:"How old are you?"
Me:"*WTH*17 man,how could you forget?!"
J:"Single?"
M:"Duh and GAY too all thanks to you."
J:"Want a guy?"
M:"*Wondering if he ever listens*No,Jay,do you know what gay means?"
J:"Lost your virginity?"
M:"HELL NO MAN."

That's when JP came and dragged him onto the dance floor to end this stupid conversation.Know what I meant when I said if he ever listens.LOL.Stupid shit,should totally slap him left,right,centre.Anyway,the dance party was great.

When like about 7/8 of the people were getting drunk and falling limp over the couches,I sat down with Von,JP and Claire to catch up and have a little drink.Was fine until Von asked me if I regretted not going.I started to question myself,what have I gotten myself into?Was coming to JC the right choice or should I have taken that chance to go overseas and train for dance.If I did,I probably would be as good as Jay or maybe even have the chance to tour like Von,probably not so much of the later.Damn.Whatever it is,the opportunity is gone and I should just look foward.Right?

Had to wake up damn early for hist lesson on sat.SUCKS BIG TIME.Totally wanted to sleep.After which,we did a little PW and then I had to leave for my dental.RETAINERS ARE CUTE!

Continued with PW today and piles and piles of homework stacked on my desk.Feel the pressure man.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

DAMN,so tired today.Ran 2.4 with Denyse and Val,but D didn't pass,so we are running again on Friday.Had PE and CCA.Totally just want to die.

Anyway,JAYKWAN CAME BACK FROM THE STATES TODAY!You little bastard,should have told me so I could meet you at the airport.He came over and invited me over to his welcome party,which is pure dance party.(Crazy,I am almost dying here after all the exercising..)I had to give it a pass this time,SUCKS.BUT I'M STILL REALLY HAPPY HE CAME BACK!MISSED HIM SO MUCH.But we still sat down and did a little catching up.I know everything now and I am so disappointed in you.HOW COULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR PASSION FOR A MERE OPPRESSION?!Maybe there is something I don't know,but you could have at least told me.I can't believe that you totally sacrificed our 10+ years of friendship.I can only wish that you get that happiness you deserve and I hope for your return to the right path.

Stupid Jaykwan,he is probably the reason why I totally turn gay.LOL.You stupid shit.But thanks a lot for coming to see me,I really appreciate it.LOVE YOU DEAR!Hope our friendship goes on forever and ever!=).

So bloody tired now that nothing is going into my brain,totally blocking out things that were being said.Crap.Going to bed now while stupid JAYKWAN is having the time of his life.LOL.Totally told Jaykwan about him,WTH,shouldn't even bother.His advice equals to not giving any advice at all.I AM NOT DUMB JAY,just not sure yet.

Monday, May 5, 2008

OMG...Unlimited wants,but scarcity of resources,in which this case refers to MONEY.

1. IPOD ITOUCH
2. Nokia N81 8GB
3. Sony cybershot T300/T70
4. Totally new CLOTHES
5. New shoes
6. Lonsdale bag
7. New hoodies

There are more just that I can't think of it at the moment and I am unwilling to compromise.I WANT EVERYTHING.XD.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Seriously,you girls totally cannot be trusted..

I REGRET TELLING ANYTHING TO YOU GUYS MAN.Telling chester might probably be an even better choice.From today onwards,my mouth is so gonna be shut.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Not feeling good these days.Why is everything not to my advantage or will?

I was voted squash captain,and I don't know if I should feel happy or sad.No doubt,I am glad that I am captain,but it wasn't because my peers voted for me.I was voted for vice captain and I rather have that position,but for wierd reason,the votes changed and now I am captain.I DON'T WANT.I feel bad so bad that I don't think I can face the real captain.THIS SUCKS.Everyone's telling me it's not my fault,but when you are in my position,you will understand where all this is coming from.It's like a stone weighing me down.Sorry that I am being very emo these days and it is reflecting in my post.I don't even laugh that much anymore now.Was JC the good choice?I guess I just have to pull through and be THE captain from today onwards.Just wanted to rant.

Anyway,had dork's birthday dinner today.Was fun I guess,really love her to bits.Haha.What grace said was true,it is only this sort of things that we finally get together,the whole S6+1.<3.Totally cam whored and then we went home.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!Although it was like suppose to be on the 25th April,but still.

Walked home with Grace and I was listening to her problems.Then she asked me if I was still anti-guy.Am I?I really question myself.Was it because of you?But anyway,I have my eyes on some else in my school now.Don't know how long it's going to be cause school term is ending soon and I might not get to see him again or maybe I might.

O well,I still wanna thank GOD for giving me a chance to study in a JC to meet all these great friends.Thank HIM for giving me a chance in squash and letting me be in exco.Although some things are not going well,but I believe GOD paves a way for me and I will prevail in the end.Loves.